MaSTTerpiece Theater
Bylo Band
✭✭✭✭✭
in The Bridge
For quite some time now I have been subconsciously working off-and-on to come up with something new to build on the success of the Replicator thread, specifically for what it morphed into, namely a really fun thread where folks like grand master story teller @Flemming and others took the ideas in the thread and came up with tremendously epic mini-stories, often built around either the original replicator idea or else weaved in bits of story to support the current weekend event, and I am pleased to announce for you all here that The Next Generation of this concept is here: MaSTTerpiece Theater!
I intend it to function like the old thread, only without the restrictions of having it be tied to the replicator. I want to invite EVERYONE who feels up to it to contribute to this, because obviously the more participants, the better it will be for everyone. Here are the basic guidelines:
1. Be respectful to the thread, contributions, and to everyone participating.
2. Treat each of your stories like an episodes of an older sitcom, namely that by the time the next story rolls around, the entire cast, situation, etc will be reset. In other words, don't worry about having to build off of any other story
3. Humor is obviously encouraged, but not required.
To help in this endeavour, I have created a main cast of six new and exciting characters! Five of them are VERY non-canon and one technically canon character, but with a devious twist to make him more interesting/useful to storytelling. So, without delay, here are your main cast for MaSTTerpiece Theater!
Mirror Lore
Mirror universe are the reverse of the original. Lore is the opposite of Data. So the reverse of the opposite of Data is basically Data, only not. I find this an amusing idea.
Liberated Borg Queen
Saved from destruction of the Collective wrought by Janeway, the arm-less, leg-less, torso-less remains of the Borg Queen are plugged into a mobile device similar to Captain Pike's - only much smaller and with the ability to hover, like a drone or something - and all she is able to do is respond with beeps. Could be good for many gags I figure.
Cordrazine McCoy
From the episode “The City on the Edge of Forever”, this McCoy is a bit crazed and not-at-all qualified for anything medical. He is also sort of a jack-of-all-trades as he needs to to odd jobs to survive. People around him know he is the CMO of The Enterprise though so he mostly goes around telling anybody who will listen, “Damnit (NAME), I'm a (RANDOM JOB), not a doctor!”
“Changling” Dukat
Dukat had a long career of madness, delusion, and grandiose flare for the dramatic. No length would be spared when he felt like a change, going so far as to physically alter his appearance to become somebody new, like when he got surgically altered to appear Bajoran. “Changling” Dukat is pretty far gone on sanity and has self-identified as a Founder, and as such has adapted their ideals of changing form. “Changling” Dukat appears in every episodes as a new race, complete with uniform, cosmetic surgery, etc, and behaves how he thinks that race should behave; he is at the center of the Deluded/Cosplay/Plastic surgery Venn diagram.
No-filter Troi
The replicators have lost the pattern for chocolate and going through major withdrawals, Counselor Troi is overcome with a flood of empathic intrusions, and without her usual diplomacy and training she copes by just blurting out EVERYONE's business!
Assimilated Augment T'Pol
Following her exposure to Trellium Ore, T'Pol's emotions got out of hand. Rather than go to Vulcan for help, she embraced change and sought out The Augments to further her powers. Just as she starts to realize this is a mistake however she is assimilated by The Borg, but has since left The Collective. As such, Assimilated Augment T'Pol suffers from Disassociate Identity Disorder; she is involved in an internal three-way battle for her very personality, and at any given moment could be calm, rational, logical T'Pol, a raging super-humanoid tornado of emotion, or a brutally efficient collectivist.
And obviously AEC will almost certainly make numerous appearances as well
Thank you for reading, and I hope to read your contributions. (For those new to the forums, for reference, here is the replicator thread: https://forum.disruptorbeam.com/stt/discussion/10854/replicator-idea-mostly-joking#latest )
I intend it to function like the old thread, only without the restrictions of having it be tied to the replicator. I want to invite EVERYONE who feels up to it to contribute to this, because obviously the more participants, the better it will be for everyone. Here are the basic guidelines:
1. Be respectful to the thread, contributions, and to everyone participating.
2. Treat each of your stories like an episodes of an older sitcom, namely that by the time the next story rolls around, the entire cast, situation, etc will be reset. In other words, don't worry about having to build off of any other story
3. Humor is obviously encouraged, but not required.
To help in this endeavour, I have created a main cast of six new and exciting characters! Five of them are VERY non-canon and one technically canon character, but with a devious twist to make him more interesting/useful to storytelling. So, without delay, here are your main cast for MaSTTerpiece Theater!
Mirror Lore
Mirror universe are the reverse of the original. Lore is the opposite of Data. So the reverse of the opposite of Data is basically Data, only not. I find this an amusing idea.
Liberated Borg Queen
Saved from destruction of the Collective wrought by Janeway, the arm-less, leg-less, torso-less remains of the Borg Queen are plugged into a mobile device similar to Captain Pike's - only much smaller and with the ability to hover, like a drone or something - and all she is able to do is respond with beeps. Could be good for many gags I figure.
Cordrazine McCoy
From the episode “The City on the Edge of Forever”, this McCoy is a bit crazed and not-at-all qualified for anything medical. He is also sort of a jack-of-all-trades as he needs to to odd jobs to survive. People around him know he is the CMO of The Enterprise though so he mostly goes around telling anybody who will listen, “Damnit (NAME), I'm a (RANDOM JOB), not a doctor!”
“Changling” Dukat
Dukat had a long career of madness, delusion, and grandiose flare for the dramatic. No length would be spared when he felt like a change, going so far as to physically alter his appearance to become somebody new, like when he got surgically altered to appear Bajoran. “Changling” Dukat is pretty far gone on sanity and has self-identified as a Founder, and as such has adapted their ideals of changing form. “Changling” Dukat appears in every episodes as a new race, complete with uniform, cosmetic surgery, etc, and behaves how he thinks that race should behave; he is at the center of the Deluded/Cosplay/Plastic surgery Venn diagram.
No-filter Troi
The replicators have lost the pattern for chocolate and going through major withdrawals, Counselor Troi is overcome with a flood of empathic intrusions, and without her usual diplomacy and training she copes by just blurting out EVERYONE's business!
Assimilated Augment T'Pol
Following her exposure to Trellium Ore, T'Pol's emotions got out of hand. Rather than go to Vulcan for help, she embraced change and sought out The Augments to further her powers. Just as she starts to realize this is a mistake however she is assimilated by The Borg, but has since left The Collective. As such, Assimilated Augment T'Pol suffers from Disassociate Identity Disorder; she is involved in an internal three-way battle for her very personality, and at any given moment could be calm, rational, logical T'Pol, a raging super-humanoid tornado of emotion, or a brutally efficient collectivist.
And obviously AEC will almost certainly make numerous appearances as well
Thank you for reading, and I hope to read your contributions. (For those new to the forums, for reference, here is the replicator thread: https://forum.disruptorbeam.com/stt/discussion/10854/replicator-idea-mostly-joking#latest )
6
Comments
Data Master of RNG
For his voice call/creed I suggest quote from TNG episode "The Royale":
"Commander, these cubes are improperly balanced."
I have been busy as well working on my end. I think nearly everyone (SR being the obvious exception
In TOS there was the Yeoman rank, but later series' abandoned it. I took that precedent and created an entire NEW Starfleet officer rank, the Assayer! The job of the Assayer is to evaluate AECs to gauge how useful they will be for replications. Since the internal ship economy is nearly 100% AEC-based, the Assayer performs a vital role in every crew!
To go along with the new Assayer position, I have also created three new characters! They will not all be series regulars (I envision them functioning like recurring characters of old, like Miles O'Brien from TNG, Rom from DS9, Samantha Wildman from Voyager, etc) but the hope is that they will pop up from time-to-time to help our main crew navigate through their stories by providing vital AEC-related evaluating! Without further delay, allow me to introduce these three exciting and COMPLETELY non-canon crew...
Assayer Shran: He will assess the replicator value of any given AEC by aggressively describing how pink its skin is. "Are you kidding me? This AEC's skin is hardly pink at all, it will barely be worth enough to replicate a toothbrush!"
Assayer Opaka: She will assess the replicator value of any given AEC by grabbing its ears and measuring its pagh. "This AEC's pagh is virtually empty, at best it will be only useful for about 2 shoe laces."
Assayer Neelix: He will assess the replicator value of any given AEC by first excitedly describing how it could be modified to fill some needed equipment, but when corrected by others he will then give an estimate of how much replicator fuel it will be worth. "Oh goody, this unit looks promising! I bet we could compress it in a compactor to make a couple of floor mats for the Delta Flyer!" "No Neelix, how much fuel can we expect to gain from it?" "Oh, if you want to take all the fun out of this, I suppose it'd be worth a dinner plate."
I hope you find this a worthy addition! Stay tuned for submissions, and please feel free to write up a story if you feel so inclined. This is all about entertainment and giving our more creative forums friends an outlet to express themselves, so if this describes you, your contribution will be most welcome. My inbox is open if you want advise or guidance
INTERCOM: Captain!
CAPTAIN: Yes, go ahead.
INTERCOM: Please report to The Bridge.
CAPTAIN: This story is already on The Bridge!
INTERCOM: Very good, sir though you are urgently needed on the, err, in the room with all the controls where command decisions and such are carried out. Sir!
CAPTAIN: Who is this?!
INTERCOM: Ensign Crusher, sir.
CAPTAIN: “Ensign” Crusher you say? Very well, I am on my way, Captain out.
CAPTAIN: Captain to Security.
SECURITY: Go ahead, sir.
CAPTAIN: Another AEC has escaped from the Acting Ensign Storage Pits and is impersonating a less useless version of Mr. Crusher.
SECURITY: On our way, sir!
….............
(CAPTAIN arrives on The Br...in the room with all the controls and stuff)
CAPTAIN: Report!
LIBERATED BORG QUEEN: BEEP bip BEEP BEEP BEEP bip BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP bip bip....
ASSIMILATED AUGMENT T'POL: Captain, we are getting reports from sickbay of a potential ship-wide medical emergency.
CAPTAIN: Of what nature?
LIBERATED BORG QUEEN: BEEP bip BEEP BEEP BEEP bip BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP bip bip....
ASSIMILATED AUGMENT T'POL: Based on early reports it sounds like it could be harnessed into a powerful weapon for us to seize control of this region of space, they will not be able to resist us!
CAPTAIN: Excuse me but strictly speaking, didn't you just combine two of your personalities just now?
LIBERATED BORG QUEEN: BEEP bip BEEP BEEP BEEP bip BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP bip bip....
ASSIMILATED AUGMENT T'POL: You are quite right, Captain. Request permission to meditate on this inside my regeneration alcove.
CAPTAIN: You just did it again!
LIBERATED BORG QUEEN: BEEP bip BEEP BEEP BEEP bip BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP bip bip....
MIRROR LORE: Captain, why are you ignoring Liberated Borg Queen, it sounds like she is desperately trying to communicate with us about this crisis?
CAPTAIN: Will you hush, she is just listening to Rush on her music player and singing along! Either that, or she is a really big fan of Toronto. In any case, Computer!
COMPUTER: *beeps*
CAPTAIN: What is the location of Cordrazine McCoy?
COMPUTER: Cordrazine McCoy is Shuttle Bay 4.
CAPTAIN: Captain to Shuttle Bay 4, respond!
SHUTTLE BAY 4: Go ahead, Captain.
CAPTAIN: Who is this?! Nevermind. I require Cordrazine McCoy, please escort him to Sickbay.
SHUTTLE BAY 4: I will try, but he is currently engaged in a pretty serious game of dominos with an Andarian hobo.
CAPTAIN: So Bones is playing Bones?!
SHUTTLE BAY 4: ….
CAPTAIN: Captain to Cordrazine McCoy.
CORDRAZINE McCOY: What do you want?!
CAPTAIN: Your presence is required in Sickbay, Doctor, we have a medical emergency and as CMO it is your...
CORDRAZINE McCOY: Damnit Captain, I'm a hustler, not a doctor! Why don't you talk to that handsome new guy who looks just like me?
CAPTAIN: “Dark Ages” McCoy, meet me in Sickbay.
…..............
(In Sickbay)
CAPTAIN: Please state the nature of the medical emergency.
WARSHIP EMA (busy torturing the EMH): I believe that is my line.
CAPTAIN: Is it?
WARSHIP EMA: *chuckle* I suppose not.
“DARK AGES” McCOY: Wait, if you already have this guy here why in blazes did you bring me down here?!
CAPTAIN: Good point, you've been pretty much redundant this entire ordeal, get out of here! So EMA, what is the issue?
WARSHIP EMA: As I was saying...
DANARA PEL: If I may?
CAPTAIN: I was told you had died?!
DANARA PEL: Well, it turns out I'm a hologram, so I can't really be killed you see.
CAPTAIN: Yeah, that makes sense, continue!
DANARA PEL: Well Captain, over the last few days when we were fighting that new super-phage, it seems...
CAPTAIN: Isn't it spelled “fage”?
DANARA PEL: Are you able to read my spoken words?!
CAPTAIN: Err, no, of course not, continue.
DANARA PEL: ...as we were fighting the new super-PHAGE, it seems we may have over-committed our resources a tad toward that goal and we lost sight of other responsibilities. As such, when we found that shuttle craft containing Assimilated Hawk, we brought him on board before doing a routine sweep for contaminants....
CAPTAIN: Does this essay have a point? Or more importantly, and ending?!
DANARA PEL: ...it seems Mr. Hawk contained a digital form of the phage that is programmed to become airborne and infect all acting ensigns.
CAPTAIN: Good lord! Does that mean...?!
DANARA PEL: Yes. Yes it does.
CAPTAIN: This is a danger to the entire Federation! This threatens the very core, the very foundation of our energy reserves! Mirror Lore, report to the Acting Ensign Storage Pits!
DANARA PEL: The good news Captain is that once airborne, this digital phage dies off quickly if there are no viable acting ensigns to infect. We have Hawk in stasis for now, but we will need to find a solution to this soon for obvious reasons.
….......
(In the Acting Ensign Storage Pits)
CAPTAIN: Mirror Lore, we need to find a way to shield these storage pits immediately, these AECs are in danger.
MIRROR LORE: Interesting Captain, are you expressing concern for the well being of these units?
CAPTAIN: Quite right, I misspoke. We need to find a way to shield these storage pits immediately, WE are in danger of losing all of our AECs.
MIRROR LORE: Yes, that makes more sense. As I understand, we will need to replicate grade 2 hexwoven polymer screens and install them around all the pits.
CAPTAIN: Can it be done?!
MIRROR LORE: The good news is, yes, it can. The bad news is, it will require a staggering amount of AECs to fuel the replication.
CAPTAIN: So if I do nothing, we lose all of our AECs. If I have you replicate the screens, we probably lose all of our AECs. The choice is clear.
MIRROR LORE: Warship Chakotay, please report to the Acting Ensign Storage Pits.
CAPTAIN: Assayer Neelix, report to the Acting Ensign Storage Pits!
(30 seconds later)
WARSHIP CHAKOTAY: Reporting as ordered.
CAPTAIN: Wait a second, didn't I shove you in the freezer yesterday?
WARSHIP CHAKOTAY: Is it possible to freeze a hologram?
ASSAYER NEELIX: Oh goody, let's get to work!
MIRROR LORE: Warship Chakotay, we need to herd all of these AECs to the replicator immediately.
CAPTAIN: Belay that. Assayer Neelix, we need to replicate a series of 68 grade 2 hexwoven polymer screens, do we have enough AECs for this purpose?
ASSAYER NEELIX: Oooh, well Captain, if you want I could probably take 130 of them, laminate them with reinforced plastic sheeting and then run them through some giant rollers to create...
CAPTAIN: Yes, yes, yes! But how much energy will this take, how many AECs will we need to use?
ASSAYER NEELIX: Hmm, you're not one for adventure, are you? Let me see...carry the five, yes that would do it. Captain, this will require 5,486 AECs.
CAPTAIN: Well, that is a stroke of luck, we currently have 5,512 AECs in inventory! Warship Chakotay, please herd 5,486 AECs to the Replicator. Mirror Lore, you know what to do.
MIRROR LORE: Understood, Captain.
CAPTAIN: Warship EMA, we are about to lose these extra 26 AECs, it would be a shame for them to go to waste. Could you use them for testing purposes?
WARSHIP EMA: Oh Captain, my only regret is I will only have 26. Send them to Sickbay.
WARSHIP CHAKOTAY: Hey, save some for me!
(several hours and 68 screens later)
CAPTAIN: Well done, everyone. Our future AECs will be far better protected...
MIRROR LORE: (gives knowing glare)
CAPTAIN: I mean our ship's energy reserves will be far better protected from infection. We must now send out extra voyages to rebuild our AEC reserves, please release Assimilated Hawk from stasis, he is urgently needed for AEC farming!
WARSHIP CHAKOTAY: As fun as this was, the EMA got all the fun experimenting on all those AECs.
CAPTAIN: I've heard there may be an infestation of Andarian hobos in Shuttle Bay 4.
WARSHIP CHAKOTAY: Yes sir!
NO-FILTER TROI: Welcome! I am the host of this place, and I hope you enjoy your time here. I also hope you don’t think anything strange…
CAPTAIN JANEWAY: Excuse me?
MAMBO PICARD: Forget it, she has always been a bit…
NO-FILTER TROI: You let me down Captain, those thoughts don’t match you… or maybe they do? I just don’t know anymore, the lack of chocolate is affecting me more than I thought.
HIGH ROLLER SISKO: Let’s go to the bar – I have heard they serve the best cocktails in town.
The five of them go to the bar, while ADMIRAL KIRK glances and sees NO-FILTER TROI drinking from a flask.
ASSIMILATED AUGMENT T’POL: Welcome, I am the manager of this place, let me know if you need anything. I am efficient and discreet, not like our host.
NO-FILTER TROI: What did you just say, witch with pointy ears?
ASSIMILATED AUGMENT T’POL: Shut up or I’ll dwell you to a telepathic battle!
C.O.P. FOUNDER ARCHER: Calm down T’Pol, please...
ASSIMILATED AUGMENT T’Pol grabs one of his arms: Oh captain, you have been always so good with me, even when I was just a cold sub-commander of the Vulcan High Command…
C.O.P. FOUNDER ARCHER trying to get rid of her: Come on T’Pol I know you have been through a lot, but keep the jokes apart…
ASSIMILATED AUGMENT T’POL: It’s not a joke, I always found him very attractive, and I was hoping you saw me as a woman and not only as your first official…
ADMIRAL KIRK: And I was the lady killer?
CAPTAIN JANEWAY: It must be the Pon farr…
C.O.P. FOUNDER ARCHER: Seriously T’Pol, I always thought that if you were interested in any human, that woukd be Trip…
ASSIMILATED AUGMENT T’POL: Don’t make me laugh, that was only out of pride, because you used to ignore me…
CAPTAIN JANEWAY: But where did we get to?
ASSIMILATED AUGMENT T’Pol quickly composing herself: Excuse me. I must go to the warehouse to organise the new orders. Somebody has mixed romulan beer with human beer, and that is not acceptable. Even if they are part of the same drinks family, they must be clearly identified, designated and separated.
HIGH ROLLER SISKO: I need a drink. Let’s just get to the bar!
MAMBO PICARD: Yes, me too… I lost my rhythm…
CORDRAZINE MCCOY: Good evening, what would you like?
ADMIRAL KIRK: Doctor McCoy?
CORDRAZINE MCCOY: Damnit Jim, I am a barman, not a doctor! Are you crazy?
C.O.P. FOUNDER ARCHER: Calm down, man. Wait. What’s the hell is that? – he says pointing at a big jar amongst the drinks.
HIGH ROLLER SISKO: Is that an egg in brine???
CAPTAIN JANEWAY: It’s huge! It’s not one of those eggs I laid when I mutated, right?
ADMIRAL KIRK: It looks like one of those talking pumpkins that appeared on a classic animated TV series at the beginning of the XXI century.
CORDRAZINE MCCOY: This is the LIBERATED BORG QUEEN!
MAMBO PICARD: But I killed her!
CAPTAIN JANEWAY: Me too!
LIBERATED BORG QUEEN blinks at them.
CORDRAZINE MCCOY: How tridimensional you are. This is a temporary crisis, a little 5-year-old girl could get here right now and tell everyone she is a grandmother and nobody would get surprised! -injecting himself a bit of cordrazine.
C.O.P. FOUNDER ARCHER: No, seriously, where the hell are we?
CORDRAZINE MCCOY: I am working on a device so she can move, inspired by the one of Captain Pike.
HIGH ROLLER SISKO: I always thought about the XXIII century technology and wandered how they were not able that Pike could only communicate with a little light saying yes or no.
CAPTAIN JANEWAY: Right? They could have built a linguistic matrix which converted their neurologic impulses into words with a voice synthesizer.
MAMBO PICARD: Or at least words written on a screen.
ADMIRAL KIRK: At the very minimum, they could have communicated in Morse code with the light.
CORDRAZINE MCCOY: How am I supposed to know? Damnit, I am a barman, not an engineer! And I am not a doctor either!
An ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER comes close to the bar: Can I have two bottles of Kanar for table 5?
MAMBO PICARD: Wait a minute! What is an AEC doing here?
HIGH ROLLER SISKO, looking around at the place: It seems that all bartenders are AEC!
ASSIMILATED AUGMENT T’POL: Yes, they are really, reaaaaally cheap and easily replaceable.
AEC:
ASSIMILATED AUGMENT T’POL upside the head of the AEC: This is for dropping the tray 10 minutes ago!
AEC: I am sorry Madam… I already told you that I will make it up to you!
ASSIMILATED AUGMENT T’POL: That’s true. OK, come with me to the kitchen replicator, I heard that someone has ordered some gagh…
NO-FILTER TROI comes on stage: Pay attention, ladies and gentlemen! Although I don’t think you can be called that for what you’re thinking. Here comes the time for performances. Firstly, the king of comedy, give it up for MIRROR LORE!
MIRROR LORE: Good evening. On my way here I bumped into…
Ten really boring minutes after…
MIRROR LORE: You didn’t like this one either? Then I will recur to my secret weapon. A Tellarite, a Vulcan and an Andorian visit a planet…
ASSIMILATED AUGMENT T’POL: That’s racist!
MIRROR LORE: Really? OK, I am sorry, I always found humour fascinating, same as my brother. Well, my brother from the other universe, not my real brother, he’s a psychopath who stole my emotional chip which made me a father and which now finds pleasure in killing every living specie of the galaxy.
ASSIMILATED AUGMENT T’POL takes MIRROR LORE away while NO-FILTER TROI comes on stage: Please excuse us ladies and gentlemen. I know this was more boring that listening to an hour of crying Reginald Barclay. But the next performance will make it up to you big time. Enjoy with one of the most exotic things of the Galaxy! Please welcome Dukatina!
“CHANGLING” DUKAT appears on stage dressed and made up as an Orion slave girl and starts dancing.
CAPTAIN JANEWAY: What the hell? But where did we end up?
HIGH ROLLER SISKO: I saw many horrible things in my life. Not even my wife’s death or the atrocities I witnessed during the Dominium War can compare to… this.
C.O.P. FOUNDER ARCHER: There are no words in any language to describe such horror.
MAMBO PICARD: What can I say, I don’t know if it’s his moves or the music, but I am feeling the rhythm and I feel like dancing….
ADMIRAL KIRK looks at CORDRAZINE MCCOY: Did you get surgery done to be an Orion girl?
CORDRAZINE MCCOY: Why do you ask me? Damnit Jim, I told you: I am a barman, not a doctor!
REVOLUTIONARY DAMAR screams: Take everything off, beautiful! Do you want to come with me afterwards? I have the best Kanar in town! –and he starts throwing latinium bars to stage.
The crowd moans and throws empty bottles to stage.
ASSIMILATED AUGMENT T’POL jumps on stage taking her clothes off slowly: don’t worry… here you have the performance of a real Vulcan love slave!
An excited TOURIST QUARK screams: My ear lobes are about to explode!
NO-FILTER TROI: For the Holy Rings of Betazed! I wish I wasn’t empathetic so to never ever felt this!
TOURIST QUARK: If you spend the night with me, I will get you a ton of Trellium Ore!
ASSIMILATED AUGMENT T’POL jumps on to Quark and takes him away by the ears.
NO-FILTER TROI: I think working in a bar wasn’t a good idea. Screw this! CORDRAZINE MCCOY, give me a bottle of tequila!
Hopefully this bar has Assayer Neelix working as a short order cook
That was a great story!
MIRROR LORE: I have deactivated the transponder of the starship and fixed the route to Badlands.
ASSIMILATED AUGMENT T’POL: Good job. I have hidden our ionic trace, the Starfleet won’t be able to follow us.
NO-FILTER TROI: Badlands, huh? That could be the summary of my life
LIBERATED BORG QUEEN: bep bep
NO-FILTER TROI: Shut up! You don’t even have a body!
ASSIMILATED AUGMENT T’POL: Calm down, it’s not clever to argue amongst ourselves. We are all here together. Also the Badlands is an ideal place for fugitives.
CORDRAZINE MCCOY: Thankfully we could steal this runabout and scape from that horrible place… Seriously, I hate hospitals!
An uncomfortable silence sets in the cockpit of the runabout.
CORDRAZINE MCCOY: What? Damn it, I already told you that I am a Renaissance artist who travelled in time, not a doctor!
MIRROR LORE: I think someone actually need that medical treatment…
CORDRAZINE MCCOY: Speak for yourself!
NO-FILTER TROI: Can we not really go somewhere else but the Badlands?
MIRROR LORE: The runabout can only travel to Warp 5, and it doesn’t have much fuel. And the Badlands are a great place to hide, too.
CORDRAZINE MCCOY: We should have let them finished the starship refuelling before stealing it…
“CHANGLING” DUKAT: And who’s to blame? We were hiding but you jumped to the base team shouting: “Killers! Assassins!”
CORDRAZINE MCCOY: Can you tell me that on the street?
ASSIMILATED AUGMENT T’POL: We need to work together in order to survive as a team, like we were a single perfect mind with a single goal…
The chair of the LIBERATED BORG QUEEN starts to turn around: bep bep beeeep beeep beep
ASSIMILATED AUGMENT T’POL: What am I saying? We need a strong leader who can spread some discipline!
“CHANGLING” DUKAT: You are right, and that leader is me. I could have stolen this ship just with the snap of my fingers. What the hell! I could have stolen any starship in the Galaxy
CORDRAZINE MCCOY: What’s his problem?
NO-FILTER TROI: He thinks he’s a member of the Q Continuum.
MIRROR LORE: But why is he wearing a Gul uniform then?
“CHANGLING” DUKAT: We the Q are omnipotent and omniscient beings, and to be able to deal with you, stupid mortal creatures, we have to take shapes of something familiar to you. You couldn’t event dream of a tiny bit of our power.
ASSIMILATED AUGMENT T’POL: That not logical at all. And also, if you’re omnipotent, why do you not make our files disappear so they stop looking for us, and then take us to a peaceful planet?
MIRROR LORE: He could even cure the madness of some present here…
CORDRAZINE MCCOY: You damned pale skin android!
“CHANGLING” DUKAT: This is a test to see how capable you are. If I intervened the fun would be over.
NO-FILTER TROI: The Q are arrogant, selfish, egotistical, self-serving, childish, indifferent to life and other’s suffering, and they enjoy making other’s play their twisted games.
MIRROR LORE: So… just like regular Dukat, right?
LIBERATED BORG QUEEN: beeeep beeep bep bep beeeeeeeeeeeeeep
NO-FILTER TROI: Well, so what are we going to do when we arrive to the Badlands?
ASSIMILATED AUGMENT T’POL: We could open a bar.
MIRROR LORE: With some of the here present’s history, it’s not the most sensible idea…
LIBERATED BORG QUEEN: beeep beeeeep beeeeeeeeeeep
MIRROR LORE: Hold on, I actually have to create a linguistic code for her…
CORDRAZINE MCCOY: The omnipotent being can do it. Would it not be enough with the snap of your fingers?
“CHANGLING” DUKAT: Not even that. I could do it of course, I could give him the body back, even his original body, but I don’t want to.
MIRROR LORE: Why not? Is that not cruel?
“CHANGLING” DUKAT: Primitive creatures like you will never understand the motivations of a Q.
NO-FILTER TROI: Well, and how about a cocoa farm?
CORDRAZINE MCCOY: We could open an art gallery to sell my pieces.
MIRROR LORE: Because we are fugitives, I don’t think we can open legal business, so I think a life outside the law seems the best option.
ASSIMILATED AUGMENT T’POL: We could be smugglers, a strong and good organized band operating as a single and individual collective…
“CHANGLING” DUKAT: It’s ridiculous that you, inferior beings, believe you have talent. But it’s funny to see how you get down this dark alley.
CORDRAZINE MCCOY: Well, I am going painting. T’Pol… would you like to be my muse?
ASSIMILATED AUGMENT T’POL: Excuse me?
CORDRAZINE MCCOY: Every artist needs an inspiring muse, and without a doubt you are the most inspiring person of this ship.
ASSIMILATED AUGMENT T’POL: That’s very charming, but…
CORDRAZINE MCCOY: Also I need a model to paint my master piece… La Venere di Vulcano!
MIRROR LORE: Do you mean La Nascita di Venere?
NO-FILTER TROI: Is that your idea of art? Copying other artists?
CORDRAZINE MCCOY: No! What are you talking about? I don’t imitate no one, I am a huge artist!
MIRROR LORE: In any case, the name you thought for your piece could be misleading by using two names of the Earth mythology, names which are also names of planets.
CORDRAZINE MCCOY: Don’t you dare to strangle my artistic freedom, stupid metal man!
“CHANGLING” DUKAT: Typical from inferior forms of life… imitating others and reviving the past instead of innovate or create something new.
ASSIMILATED AUGMENT T’POL: I am afraid I must decline your offer, doctor.
CORDRAZINE MCCOY: Damn it T’Pol! I’m an artist, not a doctor! I’m starting to regret opening my heart to a green-blooded hobgoblin…
ASSIMILATED AUGMENT T’POL: You act irrationally. Also my blood isn’t green anymore, I don’t even know if you can call blood what stream through my veins, or conduits.
LIBERATED BORG QUEEN: beeeeep beeeeeeep bep bep
NO-FILTER TROI: I’ve had enough! I am going to rest for a bit. On days like this I’d like to be zero empathetic. Lore, did make the adjustments I asked you?
MIRROR LORE: Oh! It wasn’t necessary, it seems that this ship had already been modified for that purpose.
NO-FILTER TROI: Great, thank god we could take some provisions before leaving that planet. –Go to the back compartment to revise the provisions.– ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 10,765,842, come with me to the transporter, I fancy some tequila.
CORDRAZINE MCCOY: Alright… can I have a whiskey?
“CHANGLING” DUKAT: And Kanar for me!
ASSIMILATED AUGMENT T’POL: I am not an alcoholic like the others, but I would drink a Plomeek tea.
NO-FILTER TROI: In that case, ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 10,765,843 to ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 10,765,845, come with me as well!
“CHANGLING” DUKAT: We need a larger starship. OK, I know! Let’s go to Deep Space Nine and steal the Defiant! I’m dying to see Captain Sisko’s face when he finds out.
ASSIMILATED AUGMENT T’POL rolling his eyes...
CORDRAZINE MCCOY: Come on, snap your fingers and do it!
“CHANGLING” DUKAT: I am getting tired of his insinuations…. In any case, I’ll leave it because I am going to be kind, for now. But anyway we’ll have to celebrate our run away when we arrive to our destination. I’ll take care of it all… there is nothing like a party organised by a Q!
NO-FILTER TROI: For Sacred Chalice of Rixx sake, I hope there are no mariachis this time!