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TOTALLY Inaccurate Episode Recaps!
Bylo Band
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Move Along Home
In this tremendous first season episode of Deep Space 9, Canadian folk rockers The Crash Test Dummies...
...become the first species from the gamma quadrant to come through the wormhole.
Being renowned merchants of culinary commodities, they head to Quark's and spend many hours trying to trade Quark various gamma quadrant delicacies, like their famous bread sticks!
The B plot sees Commander Sisko, Major Kira, Lieutenant commander Jadzia Dax, and Doctor Bashir...
... operate a daycare where they teach the children to sing "Elmo Rain"...
...and Chief O'Brien sets up a secret breeding unit for Cardassian voles behind a computer panel in Ops.
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The crew of the Enterprise accompany Beverly Crusher as she attends the funeral of her grandmother. After the funeral, Dr. Crusher encounters Slimer.
Data attempts to send a subspace message to Peter Venkman XVII, but ends up on the set of the movie Fog. Patrick Stewart is clearly annoyed that the crew pulled this prank.
Dr. Crusher returns to the house to find rose petals strewn about and an odd apparition in the mirror.
At the cemetery, La Forge and Data have the Enterprise transport the coffin out of the grave, where they lift off the lid and scan Felisa Howard's peaceful body. All of a sudden, the dead woman sits up in her coffin.
Data and La Forge have recovered from their ordeal. Doctor Crusher is talking to Troi about the events of the last few days. No one wants to hear it, so Troi has to take one for the team. But at least she had a reason to postpone a session with Barclay.
MEMORABLE QUOTES
"You dreamt you were in bed with someone?"
- Troi, to Crusher
Burned out from the harsh reality of so much meatball surgery at the 4077 in this season 4 episode of TNG, Major Charles Emerson Winchester III decides to take some R & R.
He beams up to the Enterprise D and runs into fellow doctor Christine Chapel, who has just performed a successful procedure granting Professor X the ability to stand.
To celebrate her achievement and to help her new pal relax, Chapel throws an impromptu dance party in Engineering, and EVERYONE is thrilled about it!
Sadly however, Major Winchester developed a nasty cranial fungal infection during the party, due to poor social distancing.
Fortunately, from her years spent in a Cardassian party camp Ensign Ro Laren knows the only cure is to form a birdbath out of her hair and brew a curative salve inside it, so she begins to work on it immediately!
Nervous about the procedure, Doctor Chapel heads to the bridge and is just in time to remind Worf where his control panel is.
Having been successfully cured, Major Winchester returns to the 4077 a new man. As he unpacks his duffel-bag he notices that Data slipped him a painting he made of the Major as the end music and credits begin to roll!
Lwaxana Troi beams aboard the Enterprise intent on finding a husband.
The Enterprise is also transporting 2 Antedian dignitaries to a peace conference on the planet Pacifica
Lwaxana has her manservant Mr. Homn with her
Lwaxana then tricks Captain Picard into spending alone time with her
Picard then retreats to the Holodeck to avoid Lwaxana and spends his time as Dixon Hill with Rex at his bar.
Lwaxana eventually leaves the Enterprise, husbandless, and exposes the dignitaries as assassins, saving the day
Proud member of Patterns of Force
Captain Level 99
Played since January 2017
TP: Do better!!!
In this season 6 episode of Deep Space 9, a mysterious painting appears inside the station. Captain Sisko orders Doctor Bashir and Chief O'Brien to investigate.
While conducting their investigations the pair inadvertently unleash the horrible monster that was imprisoned within the painting and it starts menacing the station!
Some wandering space fish guys recognize the creature and report that the mythical space mermaid Ariel is the key to vanquishing this foe.
Quark volunteers to undertake the quest free of charge and to buy him time, Odo restrains the menacing creature!
Odo then aids Quark and helps him launch his space submarine.
Quark locates the space mermaid Ariel and she agrees to give Quark the magic space juice that will return the menacing monster to its painting in exchange for Quark's help in casting the spell to grow her some legs.
Quark makes a Spell Knowledge check and then begin the incantation.
The spell worked! Space mermaid Ariel shows Quark that she now has legs and then gives Quark the bottle of magic space juice.
Quark returns to the station in his space submarine and gives the bottle of magic space juice to Bashir and O'brien.
The two pour the magic space juice and give the cup to the menacing monster, who gladly takes a drink because menacing a space station is thirsty work!
The menacing monster is returned to the painting, and there was much rejoicing (yay).
The episode begins with the crew preparing to go on shore leave.
Captain Picard got a head start, fencing, but ended up letting his opponent win
The Captain then learns he is to encounter Jenice Manheim and remembers their last encounter so the captain then goes to Paris on the holodeck
The captain then realizes that Paris isn’t the right place so the holodeck changes it to Marseille instead
The captain then orders The Doctor to save Lt. Marseilles instead of another patient.
Then, the program is changed into Tom Paris’ altered version of ‘Photon’s Be Free’ and the captain encounters a sleazy Doctor who tries to seduce the captain as part of the holoprogram
Kes then comes in and passionately kisses the Doctor, distracting him
Kes then says she’s cold and starts moving back in time and ends up having her baby with Tom Paris
Tom then senses something wrong and somehow time shifts to when Tom’s actual baby is born
B’Elanna looks at Tom, smiles passionately, and says to him: “We’ll Always Have Paris”
Proud member of Patterns of Force
Captain Level 99
Played since January 2017
TP: Do better!!!
Could you please continue the petty bickering? I find it most intriguing.
~ Data, ST:TNG "Haven"
Burnham and the crew of the USS Discovery are catapulted a bunch of years (maybe 12, maybe more) into the future. Airiam and Tilly locate a ship near the event horizon of a black hole.
They are able to send a shuttle to retrieve a lone survivor who was trapped in a time dilation (everything is cooler when you add "time" in front of it). Michael Burnham informs the survivor that the Commonwealth has fallen, but they are working to restore it.
The Discovery needs a new captain for season 3 so they all agree to make Dylan Hunt the new captain because he's the only person aboard who has the unique qualifications of white, human, and male, like the last two captains.
They fly around the quadrant, trying to sign planets up for the new Commonwealth. But that doesn't really matter. You see, they get trapped on a desert planet in episode 3.
And they can't afford another set, so they spend the rest of the season there and never rebuild the Commonwealth. But Trance Gemini grows a totally rad bonsai tree with Mr. Miyagi.