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Replicator Idea (Mostly Joking)
Bylo Band
✭✭✭✭✭
in The Bridge
Throughout all the various Star Trek shows we are regularly shown just how much energy the replicators and transporters require. The best example I can give is the Deep Space Nine episode "Our Man Bashir" where Dax, Kira, O'Brien, Sisko, and Worf are in a shuttle that is about to explode and are beamed into the station's transporter with an emergency beam out. They are unable to re-materialize and are forced to remain in the system's buffers indefinitely, and it takes all of the resources for the ENTIRE station to keep *FIVE* patterns active in the buffers. An entire space station brought to its knees by the energy required to keep five transport patterns in the buffers. That is a tremendous amount of energy.
With that in mind, here is my idea; rather than only having the option to dismiss unneeded/redundant crew for honor, maybe also give us the ability to feed them into a "faulty" *wink* transporter pad, have their patterns get "lost" *cough* in the system, and then when all hope is lost and all "efforts" *knowing glance* have been exhausted the only course left is to make sure their "sacrifice" is not wasted by feeding their energy into a replicator to turn their legacy into something useful.
Think about it, Captain Kirk needs yet another set of legendary boxing gloves? Have the two Acting Ensign Wesley Crushers you picked up on your last voyage "accidentally" get fed into the "faulty" transporter only to become a pair of boxing gloves! Heck, given how much energy in this equation, it may only take ONE Wesley to make the boxing gloves!
With that in mind, here is my idea; rather than only having the option to dismiss unneeded/redundant crew for honor, maybe also give us the ability to feed them into a "faulty" *wink* transporter pad, have their patterns get "lost" *cough* in the system, and then when all hope is lost and all "efforts" *knowing glance* have been exhausted the only course left is to make sure their "sacrifice" is not wasted by feeding their energy into a replicator to turn their legacy into something useful.
Think about it, Captain Kirk needs yet another set of legendary boxing gloves? Have the two Acting Ensign Wesley Crushers you picked up on your last voyage "accidentally" get fed into the "faulty" transporter only to become a pair of boxing gloves! Heck, given how much energy in this equation, it may only take ONE Wesley to make the boxing gloves!
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Beverly Crusher: "What a lovely Photon Scalpel, where did you get it?"
Harriman: "We fed a Wesley Crusher into the replicator"
Beverly Crusher: "We are running short of replicator rations, where did you get the mass to replicate my medical tractor beam?"
Harriman: "We fed a Wesley Crusher into the replicator"
Beverly Crusher: "A mark 12 medical tricorder."
Beverly Crusher (to Harriman): "Don't tell me. Another Wesley."
Though perhaps to reduce the cruelty of such an act, one could just condemn unwanted Wesleys to a memory module (a la Moriarty and the Countess) to live out their lives in fictional universes and Gary Stu to their hearts’ content, never shutting up, always getting A’s.
You want to make the case that their lives are somehow sacred and should not be used as fuel, I would counter that the very existence of a seemingly infinite number of them is proof of the contrary; their lives are counterfeit. You find several, sell them to Orions for "honor", and then you find even more! You can have dozens of the same exact crew on your roster at the same time, which is the original? Say you "misplace" a few, the next minute 10 more might re-appear from inside the time portal!
Corporations have a Human Resources department, all I'm saying is that we take a more literal interpretation of this idea and turn unwanted crew into LITERAL human resources!
Think about it, you "dismiss" (people joke that when they dismiss a crew they are shoving them out an airlock, you tell ME what is a more humane death, going out an airlock into the vacuum of space or a controlled transition from matter into energy and then back into a dom-jot cue or pile of poker chips?!) a crew member for a pittance of so-called honor which you can then spend in a store for replicator rations, all I'm suggesting is we cut out the middle-man and be more efficient about things!
"Shut up Wesley, and get in the damn booth!"
But funny and well argued. And yes, your idea is probably more humain than airlocking them. But still brutal and wrong. Of course, callously airlocking them is also wrong, so why not benefit?
I don't need more replicator fuel, but I have in the past.
Rationale aside, you are funny.
Prisoner Michael Burnham: "Thank you for the rescue, I look forward to being a productive member of your crew."
CAPTAIN: "Actually, you are being 'dismissed'. I need Honor to buy a new shiny, and dismissing you is considered honorable apparently."
Prisoner Michael Burnham: "Can we talk about this? What does this process entail anyway?"
CAPTAIN: "No one can say for certain, but most experts believe it involves shoving people out of an airlock into the vacuum of space. I'm sure you'll be fine."
Prisoner Michael Burnham: "Well actually, that is not only 100% fatal but is an excruciatingly painful death."
CAPTAIN: "Oooh, tough break! Now, will you kindly stand in here for a moment?"
=====SCENARIO #2=====
CMO Bashir: "Boy, am I glad to see a crew of friendly faces, it's been quite an ordeal out here in the vast expanse waiting for rescue."
CAPTAIN: "It is an honor to be able to rescue someone of your great historic significance. Is there anything we can get for you?"
CMO Bashir: "Well I hesitate to ask but I have been out here a long time. I have lost all my equipment and could really benefit from as much training as you can spare, I fear my knowledge and skill have eroded while awaiting rescue."
CAPTAIN: "Absolutely, standby, we will bring you everything you asked for."
CMO Bashir: "Thank you so much Captain, it feels tremendous to have all my equipment back, and to know I am once again fully trained! I'm ready to return to duty, what are your orders, Sir?"
CAPTAIN: "I need you to come with me to this giant industrial freezer."
CMO Bashir: "Oh dear, was somebody injured in a freezer accident? Do we suspect hypothermia?!"
CAPTAIN: "No, I am going to freeze you forever in here. I'm sorry Doctor, but if I keep you frozen in here forever I can get a handful of dilithium and having you in here will make all my other medical people 1% better at their jobs."
CMO Bashir: "This is appalling!"
CAPTAIN: "Your objection is noted and should you accidentally be released from the freezer someday you are certainly able to file a grievance, but for now won't you be a good sport and come with me, please?"
=====SCENARIO #3=====
Acting Ensign Wesley Crusher: "That temporal anomaly is intense, I was in there with six other Acting Ensign Wesley Crushers! Thank you for the rescue BTW."
CAPTAIN: "Shut up, Wesley! I need you to stand on this transporter, your destiny is to become 43% of a one star science experiment."
Acting Ensign Wesley Crusher: "Why are you doing this?!"
CAPTAIN: "Would you rather spend eternity in a freezer or get shoved out an airlock? At least this way you will be making a contribution, your sacrifice will be noble and meaningful. Besides, I went to the Academy with a couple officers from the Enterprise D who were not at all happy with working for 8 years to earn their posting only to be replaced by an uppity, know-it-all, punk kid. I kind of owe those folks, so if you don't mind...."
Acting Ensign Wesley Crusher #2: "Oh geez, well I hope they turn me into a bowl of gagh."
Acting Ensign Wesley Crusher #3: "I'm sure they will, this new Fleet Commander Martok seems to need quite a few of them, they are only available from the KCA shop, and everyone's shuttles are needed elsewhere for the current event!"
"Sorry Tom, I've got no space. I'll have to show you the airlock. At least it will be quick, mmm? "
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You are amazing. I love this so much. #2 in particular.
Also good.
That is perfect! Some of the extra crew becomes food, and some can become the packaging! THIS IS JUST SENTIENT RECYCLING PEOPLE!
Think of it like computers. A quad-core is better than just a standard. 😀
Here is my proof: you start with two Acting Ensign Wesley Crushers (I know, you will have a few dozen of them bouncing around your store room, but we only need two right now), you place them both on a transporter pad, you push a few fancy, shiny, impressive-looking buttons, the lights make that cool flashy effect while you are surrounded by that slick electro-woosh sound, and before you will stand a single Acting Ensign Wesley Crusher, SLIGHTLY less-bad than either of the original Acting Ensign Wesley Crushers were just a moment before.
What happened to the original Acting Ensign Wesley Crushers?! Did you just kill BOTH of them to create the abomination that now stands before you? Did you ONLY kill one of them to make the other SLIGHTLY less-bad? The simple truth here folks is that your BEST case scenario has you killing one copy of Acting Ensign Wesley Crusher to participate in a state-sanctioned augmentation experiment.
Didn't we fight numerous wars to try and stop experimentation and augmentation?! And what about the psychological damage you have just done to the Acting Ensign Wesley Crusher that remains behind on that transporter pad?! He will have to live with the knowledge that not only was he deemed inadequate enough to require augmenting just to be useful but also that another life was brutally and irrevocably destroyed to make those changes! He will have survivor guilt!
There is no ethical or moral difference between using the transporter to murder crew for the purpose of augmenting existing crew and using the transporter to transition crew from humanoids into replicator fuel and then back into ice cream! If you have ever fused two crew together then you have surrendered the moral high ground and have lost all credibility in an ethics-based finger-waiving about the "evils" of turning crew into roller skates!
I love it. You have come up with a new perspective on fusing. Spock would say it is fascinating.
You could always go the route of the TOS episode "A Taste of Armageddon". Don't airlock, install disintegration machines.
With more than enough replicator fuel, I propose an alternative to the OP alternative. Could we sell our unwanted crew members for the credits necessary to pay for the replicator use?
I'd gladly sell an extra 3* Ensign Crusher for the ~$30,000 credits needed to replicate that 3* science lesson, or an extra Acting Ensign Crusher for the ~$2,000 credits needed to replicate a 0* holoprogram, ancient film or encoded communique...
I'm no fan of indentured servitude, but a day's work sure beats being disintegrated, imploded, or frozen for eternity!
hmmm how many extra copies of 4* Dominion Dukat would I need to sell to cover the ~$250k credits to replicate Mirror Shukar's 5* Rifle???
Proud Former Officer of The Gluten Empire
Retired 12-14-20. So long, and thanks for all the cat pics!
It is wonderful satire.
It is the logical extension of how the game makes us think of crew.
Does this mean you wouldn't be interested in hearing about my next idea of duct taping unwanted crew to the hulls of our ships to grant minuscule armor bonuses in space battles? I realize a human body won't be able to do much to stop an anti-matter explosion, but I figure with a couple hundred uncommon crew strapped to strategic locations like the plasma exhaust ports and surrounding the cannons and torpedo tubes we could probably achieve a 0.04% percent increase in combat effectiveness, and that could make a difference when warping a specific mission or the 21st time that day to try and get a 4* sensor to give a more useful crew member a slight equipment bonus.
I suspect the writers of that episode got an equal amount of guilty pleasure from that airlocking as you did...
My only regret is I can’t find an episode with Wesley being airlocked...
Well, to be fair, how much self-worth can you really have after a nostalgic Ferengi traded you away because he valued tube grubs more highly than you?
CAPTAIN: Its going to make you be less awful.
ACTING ENSIGN WESLEY CRUSHER #2: Will it make me better too?
CAPTAIN looks at the nearest engineer ENSIGN ROBIN LEFLER, and the engineer shrugs, not knowing how to answer.
CAPTAIN: Technically you will be less awful also. Energize!
Submarines have used debris to serve as chaff to evade pursuit.
At least in the movies.
But I'm liking the forward thinking. We need to find more productive uses when throwing out perfectly healthy useless crew.
The Romulan commander chucked his dead buddy out the airlock along with debris to try to fool Kirk that he had been destroyed...
Not to mention that nasty bit of business in a Star Trek: Discovery episode, where they
Could you please continue the petty bickering? I find it most intriguing.
~ Data, ST:TNG "Haven"