ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 3,783,348: *holds his thumb and forefinger in a circle in a mock salute to his own forehead* Be seeing you CAPTAIN.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 3,783,348: Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast.
CAPTAIN: And SCOTTY, put on some DAMN PANTS! This isn't a leisure tour.
A true Scotsman never wears pants, or anything else under his kilt.
(Not to Americans, in British English pants means underwear (shorts), what your call pants we call trousers)
While I adore Red Dwarf, my reference is from The Prisoner.
Or a suble reference in Babylon 5.
I know I’ll never be at the same level as the others, but honoring @ByloBand and @Flemming, here’s a "little" contribution.
The CAPTAIN and the ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 6,765,984 walk around the starship corridors.
CAPTAIN: Have you ever thought about the Borg?
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 6,765,984: Yes sir, they’re terrifying, I hope I never bump into them.
CAPTAIN: Oh don’t worry, even if you did you’d be safe.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 6,765,984: Can I ask you why, sir?
CAPTAIN: It’s simple, because the Borg would NEVER consider you a threat.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 6,765,984: I am not sure…
CAPTAIN: Oh well, I am. Even if you went to the Borg Queen’s Cube with a trilithium explosive, plus a phaser machine gun in each hand and a holographic message on which you could see yourself showing your middle finger and saying: ‘Assimilate This!’ not even then, the Borg would consider you a threat.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 6,765,984: Why not?
CAPTAIN: I know it’s part of your nature since the writers created you like this, but could you try stop asking stupid questions?
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 6,765,984:
CAPTAIN: But in answer to your question, the Borg would know you’d be so scared that most likely you would end up shooting yourself with one phaser and then you would disappear with the other one.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 6,765,984: That sounds very specific, sir…
The CAPTAIN remembers the dishonourable mission in which he tried to destroy the Collective using a AEC.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 6,765,984: And even if they didn’t consider me a threat, would the Borg not assimilate me?
CAPTAIN: Oh no! They know that by doing that your childish mentality and uselessness would spread across the Collective like a virus they wouldn’t be able to control or stop and that would be their end.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 6,765,984: You are being very specific again, sir…
The CAPTAIN remembers the plan he presented to the StarFleet Command which got rejected…
CAPTAIN: Even the life of an AEC is precious, they said…
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 6,765,984: What’s an AEC?
CAPTAIN: Shut up Wesley!
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 6,765,984: That was rude, sir!
CAPTAIN: La madre que te parió… [Note: explanaition of the meaning of this expression in Word Reference, just in case.]
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 6,765,984: Excuse me?
CAPTAIN: Oh, not even your universal translator works properly? Even if it is an Earth language… you are completely useless, aren’t you?
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 6,765,984:
CAPTAIN: Well, we’ve arrived finally. Here is the new bioengineering lab in the starship.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 6,765,984: But bioengineering is not good! My mum is a doctor and she told me!
CAPTAIN: We are in a temporary crisis which is threading the whole universe, we must think maturely. And the recent Trait of Engineered gave me an idea to improve the crew. Come on, here you can contribute to our mission success.
Both walk in and see ARIK SOONG, FORMAL DRESS WESLEY CRUSHER and DRONE SEVEN OF NINE.
CAPTAIN: Dr. SOONG, that’s the specimen.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 6,765,984: Specimen?
ARIK SOONG: Go there kid!
DRONE SEVEN OF NINE takes ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 6,765,984 to the platform.
CAPTAIN: How does the process work?
ARIK SOONG: We will reverse the assimilation system of the Borgs. DRONE SEVEN OF NINE will inject millions of nanoprobes in the specimen through his assimilation tubes. These nanoprobes will turn each specimen molecule into energy which DRONE SEVEN OF NINE could absorb and store thanks to the relays of the transporter. Then he will be able to inject that energy into FORMAL DRESS WESLEY CRUSHER to improve him. It will be a long and extremely painful process for the specimen, but it will be worthy.
FORMAL DRESS WESLEY CRUSHER claps energetically.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 6,765,984: Are you crazy? Let me go!
ALL: Shut up Wesley!
CAPTAIN: You should think that your sacrifice won’t be in vain, and that will be doing this for your own sake. To a decent version of yourself, at least.
Two hours later…
CAPTAIN: I thought your silly crying would never end.
ARIK SOONG: That was cruel even for me.
CAPTAIN: How much has FORMAL DRESS WESLEY CRUSHER improved?
ARIK SOONG: Just a 0,00001% CAPTAIN.
CAPTAIN: For God sake…. What could you expect from an AEC. Well, FORMAL DRESS WESLEY CRUSHER, that means that we’ll have to repeat the process again another 10 million times to immortalize you through the engineering.
ARIK SOONG: Finding so many specimens won’t be easy.
CAPTAIN: I wouldn’t be so sure. -Activating his communicator- ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 6,765,985 go to the bioengineering lab. ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 6,765,986 to 13,257,367, stand by.
The ADMIRAL was staring at the vastness of space from the Observation Lounge while mentally calculating how many AEC, FCM and BM were necessary to equip his crew for the next event.
The arrival of the CAPTAIN 50 interrupted his peaceful thoughts.
CAPTAIN 50: Did you call me, ADMIRAL?
ADMIRAL, erasing the smile from his face: Oh yes, I have a few matters to discuss with you. Let’s take a walk around the Starbase.
CAPTAIN 50: The Starbase is impressive, ADMIRAL, there are so many rooms…
ADMIRAL: Yes, and thanks to the last Skirmish we have been able to update many of them.
CAPTAIN 50 looks at him with no words.
ADMIRAL: For the Holoemitter’s of coursr! Burning so many Chronitons in spacial battles has something good.
CAPTAIN 50, a bit embarrased: Of couse, that’s true…
ADMIRAL: By the way, I have been checking the data, and you haven’t contributed with many donations lately…
CAPTAIN 50 feels the eyes of the ADMIRAL fixed on him: Ahm, yes that’s true, but I have been busy and…
The ADMIRAL bursts laughing: Don’t worry! That’s exactly why I wanted to see you, I wanted to explain that we have managed to find a way to recoup the lost donations.
CAPTAIN 50 looks at ADMIRAL a bit surprised: Really? That’s fantastic! But hold on one second… How? I won’t have to spend Dilithium, right?
ADMIRAL: No, of course not. I’ll show you how right now, we have just opened a new room and I thought of you as the perfect person to lead that opening.
CAPTAIN 50: By the way ADMIRAL, can I ask you something?
ADMIRAL, trying to hide his tireness: Shoot.
CAPTAIN 50: Why do we need so many Holoemitters for the Starbase? I mean, Tritanium, Nanopolymers and Transparent Aluminium are building materials… but how about the Holoemitters? Why are they needed is there no one single Holodeck in the Starbase?
ADMIRAL: That’s a good question, CAPTAIN. The truth is I don’t know. There are many questions without an answer in this corner of the galaxy, I guess this is one of them…
An uncomfortable silence stays with both of them for a few minutes.
ADMIRAL: But although we don’t have a Holodeck, we have this!
The ADMIRAL, looking exultant, stops by a door which opens in front of them.
CAPTAIN 50: What’s this?
ADMIRAL: This is a brand new room created by the best of my engineers, which I call “THE HOLOGENERATOR”
CAPTAIN 50 looks at the new room totally amazed, it is similar to a Holodeck, and AHDAR RU’AFO can be seen working inside with a DRONE SEVEN OF NINE on a platform.
CAPTAIN 50: If this is not a Holodeck, what’s this room for?
ADMIRAL: You’re just about to find out, I can only say that thank to it, even yourself can help improve the Fleet!
CAPTAIN 50 looks at him.
ADMIRAL: By the way, you haven’t been in the fleet for long, right?
CAPTAIN 50: No Sir, just a couple of weeks.. why?
ADMIRAL: I was just thinking that the last ones to arrive are always the first to leave.
CAPTAIN 50: Excuse me?
ADMIRAL: Forget it, I am sorry. Input your passwords into that console and then get on that platform.
CAPTAIN 50: Why?
The ADMIRAL rolls his eyes: I was going to give you a detailed explanation of this machines functioning, but then I thought I’ve already talked too much.
CAPTAIN 50 looks at him astonished.
ADMIRAL: Enough said if I say so, that’s why I am the ADMIRAL, and if that’s is not enough for you, do it if you want to be in peace with the Fleet. But if you don’t want to do it off your own feet, well, AHDAR RU’AFO and DRONE SEVEN OF NINE are here. They are not only good engineers… but they are also really brutal engineers… Do you know what I mean?
CAPTAIN 50 swallows and nods his head. When everything is ready, the ADMIRAL comes closer to the console.
ADMIRAL: So when you start the process, all the inventory, ships, crew and even himself will turn into energy and then into Holoemitters, right?
AHDAR RU’AFO nods his head in satisfaction and shows the ADMIRAL the projection of Holoemitter that will be generated during the process. The ADMIRAL’S face brightens up.
CAPTAIN 50 starts screaming in desperation
ADMIRAL: Shut up CAPTAIN! You’re yelling like a bloody AEC! You should think that it is thanks to you that we’ll be able to improve every room of this Starbase!
CAPTAIN 50 starts crying asking for mercy. DRONE SEVEN OF NINE comes close and injects him a sedative via her assimilation tubules
ADMIRAL: Thanks SEVEN. I’m already sick and tired of AEC’s stupid crying, not willing to hear CAPTAIN’s crying too…. Well, I guess we just need to start. Computer, start the Holoemitter production.
The process continues while the ADMIRAL leaves the new room.
ADMIRAL: Well, I guess we’ll have to start the recruitment…
What would be really cool would be if there were a trading area within the starbase since Terok Nor was in fact a trading post. Fleet members could drop off unused crew/equipment and/or components and trade with other captains within their fleet. Appreciate that DB would rather spent money but this would be an excellent way for fleet members to help each other in game.
Quite lengthy explenation of an idea. How bought we just get the option of replicator rations to build what we want?
Or increase ways to earn honor since the honor system is horribly imbalanced anyway, lower the honor hall cost, And then make dismissals all rep rations.
Wesley has never been more useful as he will be in the replicator! And, there are so many already floating in space via the airlock maneuver, it gives scanning a whole new direction...
“A committee is a cul-de-sac, down which good ideas are lured and quietly strangled.” —Mark TwainMEMBER: [BoB] Barrel of Bloodwine... We are recruiting and putting the “curv” in scurvy! Best Event Finish: #3 Honor Debt: Inconceivable...Honor Bank Account: Slowly building...
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 3,754,830 walks through a large room blinded by a bright white light.
Q AS "GOD": Welcome to the afterlife, ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 3,754,830. You're dead.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 3,754,830: Q, is that you? What's this? Where am I? What happened?
Q AS "GOD": I told you. You're dead, this is the afterlife, and I'm God.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 3,754,830: No way! Like Captain Picard said one time, "I refuse to believe that the afterlife is run by you; the universe is not so badly designed."
Q AS "GOD": And it’s actually you saying that? Out of all the individuals of the galaxy?
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 3,754,830:
Q AS "GOD": Well, in fact you're not dead. Not yet, at least.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 3,754,830: What do you mean?
Q AS "GOD": What’s the last thing you remember?
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 3,754,830: I was in the Transporter Room, and I remember the CAPTAIN was talking about something related to a voyage and that he needed to turn up the antimatter supply…
Q AS "GOD": That’s it, for the ship’s sake, you have been turned into antimatter. Very little of course, but thanks to you and other dozens like you we’ll be able to reach the third part of Champion of the People Dilemma.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 3,754,830: Oh, that's great! I wonder who the CAPTAIN must have chosen…
Q AS "GOD": Shut up, Wesley!
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 3,754,830:
Q AS "GOD": Oh, that feels good. I understood Jean-Luc now. I think I really get addicted to this!
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 3,754,830: But if I’m not dead, and this isn’t the afterlife… what’s this place?
Q AS "GOD" shaking from horror when a creepy thought, more terrifying that anything he could have seen or imagine before, crosses his mind: ‘Spending the whole eternity next to an AEC’.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 3,754,830: Q, are you okay?
Q AS "GOD": Yes, sorry. This is only a simulation for your conscience while your body turns into antimatter. And I am here just because I fancied joking with you. Easy dude, it won’t take much longer.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 3,754,830: How am I going to keep calm? I need to sort this out somehow. Think, Wesley! I am a genius, surely I’ll find a solution! Maybe by inverting matter flux? No, this won’t work!
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 3,754,830 thinks in silence-. Ok, I know! I need to ask my mum for help. My mom is a doctor after all! I'm sure she knows...
Q AS "GOD": "After all these years, even now, you manage to disappoint me, Wesley."
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 3,754,830: What?
Q AS "GOD": Nothing, just and old quote that I think suits you perfectly. The conversion is complete. Now goodbye, ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 3,754,830.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 3,754,830 fades away, and Q AS "GOD" returns to the Transporter Room.
CAPTAIN: Good job!
Q AS "GOD": Thank you, sir! But I'm exhausted, I’ve spent too long repeating the same conversation with dozens of AEC’s!
CAPTAIN: I understand you well. Oh well, let’s welcome the new member of the crew.
The new crew materialised in the transporter.
ENSIGN PICARD: Ready for duty, sir!
Q AS "GOD": Oh, hi Jean-Luc! See you warm my heart. How you doing?
ENSIGN PICARD: Aaaargh! You again no, please, anything but this!
With the release of today's Wunderkind collection I want to reaffirm my commitment to the movement. I've held strong for 4 years and will continue to do so even though it now carries a direct negative consequence.
Comments
While I adore Red Dwarf, my reference is from The Prisoner.
Or a suble reference in Babylon 5.
The CAPTAIN and the ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 6,765,984 walk around the starship corridors.
CAPTAIN: Have you ever thought about the Borg?
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 6,765,984: Yes sir, they’re terrifying, I hope I never bump into them.
CAPTAIN: Oh don’t worry, even if you did you’d be safe.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 6,765,984: Can I ask you why, sir?
CAPTAIN: It’s simple, because the Borg would NEVER consider you a threat.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 6,765,984: I am not sure…
CAPTAIN: Oh well, I am. Even if you went to the Borg Queen’s Cube with a trilithium explosive, plus a phaser machine gun in each hand and a holographic message on which you could see yourself showing your middle finger and saying: ‘Assimilate This!’ not even then, the Borg would consider you a threat.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 6,765,984: Why not?
CAPTAIN: I know it’s part of your nature since the writers created you like this, but could you try stop asking stupid questions?
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 6,765,984:
CAPTAIN: But in answer to your question, the Borg would know you’d be so scared that most likely you would end up shooting yourself with one phaser and then you would disappear with the other one.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 6,765,984: That sounds very specific, sir…
The CAPTAIN remembers the dishonourable mission in which he tried to destroy the Collective using a AEC.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 6,765,984: And even if they didn’t consider me a threat, would the Borg not assimilate me?
CAPTAIN: Oh no! They know that by doing that your childish mentality and uselessness would spread across the Collective like a virus they wouldn’t be able to control or stop and that would be their end.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 6,765,984: You are being very specific again, sir…
The CAPTAIN remembers the plan he presented to the StarFleet Command which got rejected…
CAPTAIN: Even the life of an AEC is precious, they said…
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 6,765,984: What’s an AEC?
CAPTAIN: Shut up Wesley!
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 6,765,984: That was rude, sir!
CAPTAIN: La madre que te parió… [Note: explanaition of the meaning of this expression in Word Reference, just in case.]
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 6,765,984: Excuse me?
CAPTAIN: Oh, not even your universal translator works properly? Even if it is an Earth language… you are completely useless, aren’t you?
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 6,765,984:
CAPTAIN: Well, we’ve arrived finally. Here is the new bioengineering lab in the starship.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 6,765,984: But bioengineering is not good! My mum is a doctor and she told me!
CAPTAIN: We are in a temporary crisis which is threading the whole universe, we must think maturely. And the recent Trait of Engineered gave me an idea to improve the crew. Come on, here you can contribute to our mission success.
Both walk in and see ARIK SOONG, FORMAL DRESS WESLEY CRUSHER and DRONE SEVEN OF NINE.
CAPTAIN: Dr. SOONG, that’s the specimen.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 6,765,984: Specimen?
ARIK SOONG: Go there kid!
DRONE SEVEN OF NINE takes ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 6,765,984 to the platform.
CAPTAIN: How does the process work?
ARIK SOONG: We will reverse the assimilation system of the Borgs. DRONE SEVEN OF NINE will inject millions of nanoprobes in the specimen through his assimilation tubes. These nanoprobes will turn each specimen molecule into energy which DRONE SEVEN OF NINE could absorb and store thanks to the relays of the transporter. Then he will be able to inject that energy into FORMAL DRESS WESLEY CRUSHER to improve him. It will be a long and extremely painful process for the specimen, but it will be worthy.
FORMAL DRESS WESLEY CRUSHER claps energetically.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 6,765,984: Are you crazy? Let me go!
ALL: Shut up Wesley!
CAPTAIN: You should think that your sacrifice won’t be in vain, and that will be doing this for your own sake. To a decent version of yourself, at least.
Two hours later…
CAPTAIN: I thought your silly crying would never end.
ARIK SOONG: That was cruel even for me.
CAPTAIN: How much has FORMAL DRESS WESLEY CRUSHER improved?
ARIK SOONG: Just a 0,00001% CAPTAIN.
CAPTAIN: For God sake…. What could you expect from an AEC. Well, FORMAL DRESS WESLEY CRUSHER, that means that we’ll have to repeat the process again another 10 million times to immortalize you through the engineering.
ARIK SOONG: Finding so many specimens won’t be easy.
CAPTAIN: I wouldn’t be so sure. -Activating his communicator- ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 6,765,985 go to the bioengineering lab. ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 6,765,986 to 13,257,367, stand by.
The ADMIRAL was staring at the vastness of space from the Observation Lounge while mentally calculating how many AEC, FCM and BM were necessary to equip his crew for the next event.
The arrival of the CAPTAIN 50 interrupted his peaceful thoughts.
CAPTAIN 50: Did you call me, ADMIRAL?
ADMIRAL, erasing the smile from his face: Oh yes, I have a few matters to discuss with you. Let’s take a walk around the Starbase.
CAPTAIN 50: The Starbase is impressive, ADMIRAL, there are so many rooms…
ADMIRAL: Yes, and thanks to the last Skirmish we have been able to update many of them.
CAPTAIN 50 looks at him with no words.
ADMIRAL: For the Holoemitter’s of coursr! Burning so many Chronitons in spacial battles has something good.
CAPTAIN 50, a bit embarrased: Of couse, that’s true…
ADMIRAL: By the way, I have been checking the data, and you haven’t contributed with many donations lately…
CAPTAIN 50 feels the eyes of the ADMIRAL fixed on him: Ahm, yes that’s true, but I have been busy and…
The ADMIRAL bursts laughing: Don’t worry! That’s exactly why I wanted to see you, I wanted to explain that we have managed to find a way to recoup the lost donations.
CAPTAIN 50 looks at ADMIRAL a bit surprised: Really? That’s fantastic! But hold on one second… How? I won’t have to spend Dilithium, right?
ADMIRAL: No, of course not. I’ll show you how right now, we have just opened a new room and I thought of you as the perfect person to lead that opening.
CAPTAIN 50: By the way ADMIRAL, can I ask you something?
ADMIRAL, trying to hide his tireness: Shoot.
CAPTAIN 50: Why do we need so many Holoemitters for the Starbase? I mean, Tritanium, Nanopolymers and Transparent Aluminium are building materials… but how about the Holoemitters? Why are they needed is there no one single Holodeck in the Starbase?
ADMIRAL: That’s a good question, CAPTAIN. The truth is I don’t know. There are many questions without an answer in this corner of the galaxy, I guess this is one of them…
An uncomfortable silence stays with both of them for a few minutes.
ADMIRAL: But although we don’t have a Holodeck, we have this!
The ADMIRAL, looking exultant, stops by a door which opens in front of them.
CAPTAIN 50: What’s this?
ADMIRAL: This is a brand new room created by the best of my engineers, which I call “THE HOLOGENERATOR”
CAPTAIN 50 looks at the new room totally amazed, it is similar to a Holodeck, and AHDAR RU’AFO can be seen working inside with a DRONE SEVEN OF NINE on a platform.
CAPTAIN 50: If this is not a Holodeck, what’s this room for?
ADMIRAL: You’re just about to find out, I can only say that thank to it, even yourself can help improve the Fleet!
CAPTAIN 50 looks at him.
ADMIRAL: By the way, you haven’t been in the fleet for long, right?
CAPTAIN 50: No Sir, just a couple of weeks.. why?
ADMIRAL: I was just thinking that the last ones to arrive are always the first to leave.
CAPTAIN 50: Excuse me?
ADMIRAL: Forget it, I am sorry. Input your passwords into that console and then get on that platform.
CAPTAIN 50: Why?
The ADMIRAL rolls his eyes: I was going to give you a detailed explanation of this machines functioning, but then I thought I’ve already talked too much.
CAPTAIN 50 looks at him astonished.
ADMIRAL: Enough said if I say so, that’s why I am the ADMIRAL, and if that’s is not enough for you, do it if you want to be in peace with the Fleet. But if you don’t want to do it off your own feet, well, AHDAR RU’AFO and DRONE SEVEN OF NINE are here. They are not only good engineers… but they are also really brutal engineers… Do you know what I mean?
CAPTAIN 50 swallows and nods his head. When everything is ready, the ADMIRAL comes closer to the console.
ADMIRAL: So when you start the process, all the inventory, ships, crew and even himself will turn into energy and then into Holoemitters, right?
AHDAR RU’AFO nods his head in satisfaction and shows the ADMIRAL the projection of Holoemitter that will be generated during the process. The ADMIRAL’S face brightens up.
CAPTAIN 50 starts screaming in desperation
ADMIRAL: Shut up CAPTAIN! You’re yelling like a bloody AEC! You should think that it is thanks to you that we’ll be able to improve every room of this Starbase!
CAPTAIN 50 starts crying asking for mercy. DRONE SEVEN OF NINE comes close and injects him a sedative via her assimilation tubules
ADMIRAL: Thanks SEVEN. I’m already sick and tired of AEC’s stupid crying, not willing to hear CAPTAIN’s crying too…. Well, I guess we just need to start. Computer, start the Holoemitter production.
The process continues while the ADMIRAL leaves the new room.
ADMIRAL: Well, I guess we’ll have to start the recruitment…
You got to this narrative faster than I did
Well, DAMMIT.
For all those Dont-hate-Wesley haters out there...
The Game just warrents the liquidation of AECs
Or increase ways to earn honor since the honor system is horribly imbalanced anyway, lower the honor hall cost, And then make dismissals all rep rations.
mine too Bylo Band
Q AS "GOD": Welcome to the afterlife, ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 3,754,830. You're dead.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 3,754,830: Q, is that you? What's this? Where am I? What happened?
Q AS "GOD": I told you. You're dead, this is the afterlife, and I'm God.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 3,754,830: No way! Like Captain Picard said one time, "I refuse to believe that the afterlife is run by you; the universe is not so badly designed."
Q AS "GOD": And it’s actually you saying that? Out of all the individuals of the galaxy?
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 3,754,830:
Q AS "GOD": Well, in fact you're not dead. Not yet, at least.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 3,754,830: What do you mean?
Q AS "GOD": What’s the last thing you remember?
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 3,754,830: I was in the Transporter Room, and I remember the CAPTAIN was talking about something related to a voyage and that he needed to turn up the antimatter supply…
Q AS "GOD": That’s it, for the ship’s sake, you have been turned into antimatter. Very little of course, but thanks to you and other dozens like you we’ll be able to reach the third part of Champion of the People Dilemma.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 3,754,830: Oh, that's great! I wonder who the CAPTAIN must have chosen…
Q AS "GOD": Shut up, Wesley!
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 3,754,830:
Q AS "GOD": Oh, that feels good. I understood Jean-Luc now. I think I really get addicted to this!
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 3,754,830: But if I’m not dead, and this isn’t the afterlife… what’s this place?
Q AS "GOD" shaking from horror when a creepy thought, more terrifying that anything he could have seen or imagine before, crosses his mind: ‘Spending the whole eternity next to an AEC’.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 3,754,830: Q, are you okay?
Q AS "GOD": Yes, sorry. This is only a simulation for your conscience while your body turns into antimatter. And I am here just because I fancied joking with you. Easy dude, it won’t take much longer.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 3,754,830: How am I going to keep calm? I need to sort this out somehow. Think, Wesley! I am a genius, surely I’ll find a solution! Maybe by inverting matter flux? No, this won’t work!
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 3,754,830 thinks in silence-. Ok, I know! I need to ask my mum for help. My mom is a doctor after all! I'm sure she knows...
Q AS "GOD": "After all these years, even now, you manage to disappoint me, Wesley."
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 3,754,830: What?
Q AS "GOD": Nothing, just and old quote that I think suits you perfectly. The conversion is complete. Now goodbye, ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 3,754,830.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER 3,754,830 fades away, and Q AS "GOD" returns to the Transporter Room.
CAPTAIN: Good job!
Q AS "GOD": Thank you, sir! But I'm exhausted, I’ve spent too long repeating the same conversation with dozens of AEC’s!
CAPTAIN: I understand you well. Oh well, let’s welcome the new member of the crew.
The new crew materialised in the transporter.
ENSIGN PICARD: Ready for duty, sir!
Q AS "GOD": Oh, hi Jean-Luc! See you warm my heart. How you doing?
ENSIGN PICARD: Aaaargh! You again no, please, anything but this!
I am nothing if not principled.