ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #6: What was that explosion?
CAPTAIN: Not to worry, we're using countermeasures to evade a Borg Cube. I'm unsure if its a Scout Ship or not, they look the same to me since the Delphic Expanse.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #6: Where is ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #5?
CAPTAIN: Would you believe its the same answer as your previous question? Minus the bit about confusion of the ship pursuing us. Here, put on this vest.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #6: Why is it making a ticking noise?
CAPTAIN: I only had enough of you to make a non-digital one. Trust me, this is much easier if you don't ask so many questions.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #6: Why is that?
CAPTAIN:
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #6: Sorry.
CAPTAIN: To be honest, I should run longer voyages, I'm running out of yourselves in my inventory.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #6 follows the visual instructions to walk into the open airlock.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #6: What do you mean My-selfs?
CAPTAIN: You are Number six.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #6: No! I am not a number! I am a free-
The yelling is cut off by the sealing of the airlock and then the sound of the airlock emptying into the void of space.
CAPTAIN: CAPTAIN to the Bridge, cut power. Lets see if this works this time. And send ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #7 to my location.
Flemming, I greatly admire your work, dedication, and enthusiasm for sentient space mines. Your choice to start out with Acting Ensign Wesley Crusher as your prototype is a winner I should think, especially if you give your "volunteers" access to certain disposable components and enough time to rig up an impromptu tractor beam to allow himself to become permanently stuck to the enemy hull, thus increasing the damage of his detonation.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #6: What was that explosion?
CAPTAIN: Not to worry, we're using countermeasures to evade a Borg Cube. I'm unsure if its a Scout Ship or not, they look the same to me since the Delphic Expanse.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #6: Where is ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #5?
CAPTAIN: Would you believe its the same answer as your previous question? Minus the bit about confusion of the ship pursuing us. Here, put on this vest.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #6: Why is it making a ticking noise?
CAPTAIN: I only had enough of you to make a non-digital one. Trust me, this is much easier if you don't ask so many questions.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #6: Why is that?
CAPTAIN:
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #6: Sorry.
CAPTAIN: To be honest, I should run longer voyages, I'm running out of yourselves in my inventory.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #6 follows the visual instructions to walk into the open airlock.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #6: What do you mean My-selfs?
CAPTAIN: You are Number six.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #6: No! I am not a number! I am a free-
The yelling is cut off by the sealing of the airlock and then the sound of the airlock emptying into the void of space.
CAPTAIN: CAPTAIN to the Bridge, cut power. Lets see if this works this time. And send ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #7 to my location.
Friend Flemming has actually inspired the latest idea to come from Replicator Idea Labs (TM, R, PP, C All Rights Reserved, Ltd), Anti-Personnel Personnel Munitions (APPM), and I am certain they will be a hit with Captains across the STT universe once the full potential is realized!
Think of it friends, crew already come with a battle station ability, but with a minor adjustment to their "training" they could also come with an APPM ability! Just think of the possibilities! All of our expendable crew could each have their own unique one-time-use ability for space battles!
Some could function like proximity mines like the aforementioned Acting Ensign Wesley Crusher who could attach himself directly to the hull of enemy ships, some could function like humanoid torpedoes, the possibilities are endless! Instead of "boarding" during a battle using a transporter, won't your opponent be surprised when you quite literally fire a Lt. Thomas Riker DIRECTLY through their hull! Once inside just think of the untold mayhem he could unleash in the 3 seconds until the ship explodes!
DB, this is a tremendous opportunity, we here at Replicator Idea Labs (TM, R, PP, C, All Rights Reserved, Ltd) would welcome the chance to work with you directly to flush this out. We would work tirelessly for as long as it takes to implement this idea!
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #34 sits in a chair with Four Lights. He is alone until a door opens and CAPTAIN and MIRROR KEIKO enter
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #34: What is going on?
CAPTAIN: We're gathering Intel
MIRROR KEIKO: Are you sure he knows anything?
CAPTAIN: It really doesn't matter. Replicators are awesome.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #34: What is KEIKO doing here?
CAPTAIN: Oh, you would not believe how many Torture Devices she is equipped with. She's great at this.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #34: Torture?!
The mood is interrupted by FORMAL DRESS WESLEY CRUSHER who walks in and looks on.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #34: Who is that?!
CAPTAIN: Oh, him? A better variant of you, I'd say. And he never talks. Watch the movie, you'll see.
MIRROR KEIKO: Should I get started?
CAPTAIN: Yes, by all means, we are in a Skirmish with Khan and the Reliant, and we need Intel so that we can stop him in ship to ship battle and thwart his cunning attack on Deep Space Nine.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #34: How do we do that.
CAPTAIN: That is presicely why you are here. Tell us what you know, and this will be painless.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #34: But I don't know anything!
MIRROR KEIKO: He's telling the truth.
CAPTAIN: *scoffs* All the more reason we should feed him to the replicator and get Intel that way. We need to do it quickly, Holoemitters are worth their weight in super rare gold-pressed latinum.
FORMAL DRESS WESLEY CRUSHER starts clapping
CAPTAIN: See, he never talks.
MIRROR KEIKO: I could get him to ta-
CAPTAIN: Not NOW, KEIKO! We need that Intel, start the Replicator.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #34: But CAPTAIN...!
CAPTAIN: How many lights do you see?
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #34: Uh, four?
CAPTAIN: WRONG!
MIRROR KEIKO: There ARE four lights, you know.
CAPTAIN: I know, I actually thought that would go differently.
MIRROR KEIKO: *sighs* I don't know why I'm even here.
CAPTAIN: I'm still figuring that out too. Torture Devices as equipment? For a teacher?
MIRROR KEIKO: In my universe, we didn't have replicators like you do. We had to get Intel the old fashioned way.
CAPTAIN, MIRROR KEIKO and FORMAL DRESS WESLEY CRUSHER ignore the crying from ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #34 as he approaches the Replicatior
CAPTAIN: I've always said this prime universe was more humane.
The only way that gets better is if after the "procedure", Mirror Keiko says something like, "Geez, I expected we'd be able to get more intel out of somebody with the 'prodigy' trait."
I know this would be a lot of work, programming wise. But change ship battles to you can target certain parts of the ship. Take out the engines and beam excess Wesley's into the anti-matter chamber, would make for an awesome explosion
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#142 reports to the main shuttle bay as commanded. There are three shuttles with various crew reporting to deploy on important missions, as the CAPTAIN looks on, making sure all appropriate skills are fulfilled.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#142: Acting Ensign Crusher reporting for duty sir.
CAPTAIN: Ah, Acting Ensign; I need to you report to the nearest Replicator
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#142: Sir, I'm not being crewed to one of the the shuttles.
CAPTAIN: Oh, no no no. These shuttles are being dispatched for the Augments, in hopes of payment in Medical Experiments, and since we're Favored among Khan and his cronies, your abilities wont make any dent in the success rate of any of these missions. This is Gold Crew only.
The CAPTAIN points to EV SUIT ARCHER as he takes command of Shuttle 2
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#142: Now I'm confused, why am I here then?
CAPTAIN: I want to make sure this mission goes flawlessly. So I had Mr. La Forge rig up something with the Replicators.
CHIEF ENGINEER LA FORGE: I think we're all set here, CAPTAIN.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#142: Lieutenant Commander?
CHIEF ENGINEER LA FORGE: Shut up Wesley.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#142:
CAPTAIN: Very good, how much will it take to get a Legendary Reward Boost?
CHIEF ENGINEER LA FORGE: Based on energy usage, about one hundred AECs.
CAPTAIN: Wow, that's a lot. What about some Common ones?
CHIEF ENGINEER LA FORGE: Those would be 5 AECs a piece.
CAPTAIN: *sigh* We will have to get by with those.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#142: What is an "AEC"?
CHIEF ENGINEER LA FORGE: The basic unit of measure for Replicator Fuel.
CAPTAIN: I feel like I've explained this to him 142 times
CHIEF ENGINEER LA FORGE: It HAS been 142 times.
CAPTAIN: CAPTAIN to the Bridge, I need fourteen more ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHERs in the Shuttle Bay. Be quick about it. And while I'm thinking of it, use a security escort. I don't want them wandering around getting lost in a shiny jeffries tube because of a curious beeping noise again.
CHIEF ENGINEER LA FORGE: When did that happen?
CAPTAIN: Before you fell out of the Portal. We had about a dozen of these dweebs pretending they could fix a perfectly fine computer core after they got the same PSI2000 disease from FENCING SULU. We had to transport the whole lot into space before they could blow up the ship. I don't let any of them get near POLYWATER YAR for the same reason.
CHIEF ENGINEER LA FORGE: I heard she's not that dangerous anymore.
CAPTAIN: It just takes longer.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#142: My mom's a doctor!
CAPTAIN: Shut up Wesley.
CHIEF ENGINEER LA FORGE: I'll get started on making those boosts, CAPTAIN.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#142: So I'm going on a shuttle?
CAPTAIN: In a way, yes. And in typical fashion, you will make the shuttle mission 3 times longer than it has to be. Just like you normally do.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#142: YAY!
CAPTAIN: (To Self) I wonder if I can convince THE TRAVELER to take a few of these away to store on the other side of the Galaxy?
MIRROR WESLEY CRUSHER arrives reporting for duty
MIRROR WESLEY CRUSHER: I can't believe there is a version of me like that.
CAPTAIN: *confused look* Are you even released yet?
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#171: What is this place, CAPTAIN? I've never been here before.
CAPTAIN: This is the Cryostatis Chamber, perhaps the most valuable place on the ship, and its inaccurate to say you have never been here before.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#171: Is that me??!!
CAPTAIN: *Proudly* Yes, you were one of the first I have immortalized here.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#171: Wow, it is nice to know I'm so highly valued that you immortalized me.
CAPTAIN: Ehhhh, I wouldn't say that. I really needed to free up crew space and your Engineering skill was quickly made obsolete by ENSIGN SESKA.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#171: WHAT? I'm a way better Engineer than that traitor SESKA!
CAPTAIN: Yes, but you are also human and male, which is just another name for useless in this game.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#171: But you are human and male...
CAPTAIN: SHUT UP, WESLEY!
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#171: So are you going to freeze me again.
CAPTAIN: You are not as dumb as everyone says you are, there IS a strategy to get Dilithium by freezing multiple copies, but that is not why you are here. No, because of our adventures with the Dominion and then our Adventures with the Mirror Universe, I spent a lot Merits reactivating Mirror Universe crew and freezing what I thought were unneeded Dominion crew. MIRROR SPOCK informs me that we are going to need all those Dominion crew again. I'm also going to need ODOs. And I JUST put STRANDED ODO in the Freezer.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#171: I'm no use. I'm not from the Mirror universe or the Dominion. I can't possibly help to fulfill those trait requirements. What do you expect-
CAPTAIN: Sorry, I stoped listenening after "I'm no use". You are right, you are a useless chracter, except for one important quality.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#171: What is that sir?
CAPTAIN: You are disposable.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#171: What is that supposed to mean.
CAPTAIN: RIght now, if I can get 5 Merits from recycling you, I'll be 5% closer to getting STRANDED ODO back in action.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#171: Is that all?
CAPTAIN: I'd rather re-purpose you for countermeasures, but Starfleet didn't like that idea.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#171: You are going to kill me?!
CAPTAIN: Pay attention kid, you are immortal *points to the cyrochamber*
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#171: But I'm out here!
CAPTAIN: Yes, and people hate me for that. Computer, Initiate program: Shut up Wesley.
Rather than starting a new thread I have instead chosen to add this to this thread since there is a 99% overlap in content. My apologies.
This morning I was awake really early and my son (9 years old) came down stairs as I was dealing with a returning voyage, running Gauntlet, the usual "been away for a few hours" stuff. When I went to claim my voyage lootings he noticed I had found Acting Ensign Wesley Crusher (because of COURSE I found one, if anything I should be relieved I ONLY found one!) and asked, "Daddy, does this mean Wesley is going to join your crew?" (He watches TNG with me and knows who Wesley is).
ME: Umm...sorry NAME REDACTED, I am going to get rid of him for honor.
SON (noticeably sad): Daddy, that is mean, what happens to them?
ME: Nobody knows but most assume they get shoved out into open space.
SON (in shock): But that will kill them!
ME: Yeah, well, yeah. Don't worry though, I have Wesley safe and sound in my giant freezer over here, look (I pull up my cryostasis vault). See, he's in here, safe.
SON: But he's just frozen? Forever?!
ME: Yeah, well, yeah....
SON: That is mean!
You can argue all you want that my idea to feed unwanted crew into a replicator to make items is cruel/mean, I really cannot argue against that. But as you can see, it is no less cruel/mean than the two options already in the game.
We in this thread are not impressed by your faux outrage or hollow condemnations, if you want to impress us and not come across like a colossal hypocrite lobby for a more humane in-game solution to dealing with excess crew. Either that, or get out of the way of those us driving the Progress Train.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#342 walks into the new addition to the Starbase.
CAPTAIN: Ah, Wesley, its about time you showed up.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#342: I've never been on the Starbase.
CAPTAIN: Most of the crew hasn't, just Captains in the fleet enjoy the benefits of the Starbase.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#342: That doesn't seem very fair.
CAPTAIN: And you do not make sense to the script. But I digress.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#342: My mom's a doctor!
CAPTAIN: Shut Up Wesley. I don't know why I'm explaining this to you, but we are now in what I like to call the "Killing Floor".
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#342: *gasps*
CAPTAIN: There, there, don't let the name fool you. It's not really a "Floor" more of a "room".
CADET SYLVIA TILLY emerges from behind an emitter.
CADET SYLVIA TILLY: Everything is ready, CAPTAIN.
CAPTAIN: Good work Cadet, dismissed.
CAPTAIN: *As TILLY leaves* And people laughed when I called her "Killy".
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#342: What is going on?! Why does such a thing exist on a Starbase?!
CAPTAIN: Resources are thin, and while Starfleet engineered these Reclamator rooms to process excess components, I had CADET SYLVIA TILLY re-purpose them to process excess crew for Replicator Rations. This way, instead of throwing you out the airlock, like I normally enjoy, I can save your value, or lack thereof, for later.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#342: But I'm not useless, I'm going to Starfleet Academy, just like my father!
CAPTAIN: Kid, your dad isn't in this game.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#342: But-! The protest cut off by computer shutting the door and initiating reclamation.
CAPTAIN: *to self* Why ISN'T there a LIEUTENANT COMMANDER JACK CRUSHER in this game?
Hey DB... Can I put some of my squadron leaders or fleet members in the airlock? That would be one method of fleet management!
"I know you've been under- performing, Lt Paris, so you're gonna have to step outside the ship for a few minutes and think about how to do a better job "
HIGH RANKING, HIGHLY SEXY FLEET SEEKS HOT & ACTIVE PEOPLE FOR SOME FUN PLAY.
Have you been naughty? Playing with yourself again? Has another fleet touched you in bad ways? Don’t worry, we will train you…. Gently. Light bondage only. Bring your own handcuffs, though…. We don’t supply them.
We’re not those other guys. Here we shower often, and we treat our members like family. We know how to whip some serious tail, yet no one is left to shiver out in the cold. If you need advice, help, strategy, tips or anything at all…. I and my officers are here to help you.
Currently, we're looking for more good people to enjoy the game with us, and we offer a TON to our members, in return. We prefer level 50 members and above. Lower level players than this will be considered on a case-by-case basis.
We use the DISCORD app for all our fleet chats (it's free). We're much better organized than many other top-tier fleets in the game, while a heck of a lot more relaxed and much more fun to be a part of. I have numerous other former fleet Admirals who joined me, and we have a world of knowledge and experience to share with you. Sure, we all love the game, and we enjoy playing it often; but we're also a fun family of kooky friends from around the world, who enjoy playing the game together. On top of playing, we also hang out often and share plenty of good laughs, an excellent supportive environment and one another's company.
It's OK if you don't play every day. You don’t have to be a daily player, but the more you play the more fun you’ll have with us. So long as you let me know ahead of time whenever you know you're going to be offline from the game for five days or more, I won't kick you for inactivity. You can send me that message on DISCORD at any time you need to; it takes only a moment. That rule helps keep our fleet as active as possible.
All Captains MUST have a name other than just “Captain” so that others may recognize you. We have no drama, but instead are a close-knit group of good people who treat each other as if we’re both friends & family.
WE’RE ALMOST ALL VERY HIGHLY ACTIVE, and help is never far whenever you might need it, at any stage of the game, nearly 24/7. Whatever your skill level, we can help you.
If you are interested in joining our fleet, please feel free to message me and I will be glad to assist you.
Free steak & Lobster available from our resident chef upon joining (alternate meal suggestions are possible), drinks available through our in-house bartender/barista/host. Please be sure to tip your wait staff. They're nuts, but they're worth it.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #534: CAPTAIN, why did you ask me to come to the holodeck?
CAPTAIN: These are strange times, AEC.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #534: What did you call me?
CAPTAIN: ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER. Why?
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #534: I thought you said -
CAPTAIN: Shut up Wesley!
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #534:
DUELIST BARCLAY: I believe all the modifications you requested are in place, Sir.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #534: Broccoli?
BOTH: Shut UP Wesley!
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #534:
CAPTAIN: Very good, Lieutenant, you might make Commander someday. Give it about a week.
DUELIST BARCLAY: Thank you, Sir!
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #534: What is going on here?
CAPTAIN: As you know, we need holoemmitters, because of... reasons. But right now we're dealing with a MEGA problem with holodecks. And to battle this, we are in short supply of holoprograms.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #534: Oh, you need someone to create holoprograms? I've created a few, some have gotten me points with ENSIGN ROBIN LEFLER.
CAPTAIN: Kid, she's not in your league.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #534: But Lefler's Law number thirty-
CAPTAIN: Do you ever shut up?
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #534:
CAPTAIN: I hate exposition, but the point is, your "girlfriend from another universe" has rigged up a way to get more holoprograms without pointless programming. I don't need a romantic getaway to a supernova, I just need the actual programs. You know, 10 PRINT "Hello World", 20 GOTO 10 kind of thing.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #534: You want me to write BASIC code?
CAPTAIN: No, Mr. Crusher, I expect you to die.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #534: Captain?
CAPTAIN: No, really, I had DUELIST BARCLAY [and ENSIGN ROBIN LEFLER] rig this holodeck up to tie into our replicators to turn excess crew into generic holoprograms. It is quite genius, actually, I'm glad I thought of it.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #534: So you are making me into entertainment for other people?
CAPTAIN: *looks to the camera and winks to break the fourth wall, then gets back to the scene* No, I need the holoprograms to build other holographic crew, cause they are important for the mission. And frankly, you are not [and never were]
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #534: What are those square brackets for.
CAPTAIN: That's editorial, you were not supposed to read those!
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #534: *confused*
CAPTAIN: That's better. Computer, make me a new Holoprogram!
Okay so, i like the idea about making excess crew into rep rations, but since this has sort of derailed into more of an antiwesley/how-can-we-kill-wesley thread, i have to agree with @eXo | SilverRose, this is sort of mean and in all honesty i like wesley!!
Don't mark it closed. It is so much fun. It shows the ridiculousness of dismissing for honor and bears out humor and smiles for everyone though great creativity. There is no insulting or bad things going on here. I say keep it up. No one is required to read this thread.
Don't mark it closed. It is so much fun. It shows the ridiculousness of dismissing for honor and bears out humor and smiles for everyone though great creativity. There is no insulting or bad things going on here. I say keep it up. No one is required to read this thread.
But as stated in the community guidelines we are required to be nice (edited to reflect what the community guidelines actually say) and thinking of ways for Wesley to die...not to nice, at the very least it should be moved to the holodeck.
Comments
CAPTAIN: Not to worry, we're using countermeasures to evade a Borg Cube. I'm unsure if its a Scout Ship or not, they look the same to me since the Delphic Expanse.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #6: Where is ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #5?
CAPTAIN: Would you believe its the same answer as your previous question? Minus the bit about confusion of the ship pursuing us. Here, put on this vest.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #6: Why is it making a ticking noise?
CAPTAIN: I only had enough of you to make a non-digital one. Trust me, this is much easier if you don't ask so many questions.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #6: Why is that?
CAPTAIN:
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #6: Sorry.
CAPTAIN: To be honest, I should run longer voyages, I'm running out of yourselves in my inventory.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #6 follows the visual instructions to walk into the open airlock.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #6: What do you mean My-selfs?
CAPTAIN: You are Number six.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #6: No! I am not a number! I am a free-
The yelling is cut off by the sealing of the airlock and then the sound of the airlock emptying into the void of space.
CAPTAIN: CAPTAIN to the Bridge, cut power. Lets see if this works this time. And send ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #7 to my location.
Section 31 would do it. You know they would!
Ahhh... Acting Ensign Wesley Crusher... WARNING... graphic scenes viewer discretion is advised...
Think of it friends, crew already come with a battle station ability, but with a minor adjustment to their "training" they could also come with an APPM ability! Just think of the possibilities! All of our expendable crew could each have their own unique one-time-use ability for space battles!
Some could function like proximity mines like the aforementioned Acting Ensign Wesley Crusher who could attach himself directly to the hull of enemy ships, some could function like humanoid torpedoes, the possibilities are endless! Instead of "boarding" during a battle using a transporter, won't your opponent be surprised when you quite literally fire a Lt. Thomas Riker DIRECTLY through their hull! Once inside just think of the untold mayhem he could unleash in the 3 seconds until the ship explodes!
DB, this is a tremendous opportunity, we here at Replicator Idea Labs (TM, R, PP, C, All Rights Reserved, Ltd) would welcome the chance to work with you directly to flush this out. We would work tirelessly for as long as it takes to implement this idea!
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #34: What is going on?
CAPTAIN: We're gathering Intel
MIRROR KEIKO: Are you sure he knows anything?
CAPTAIN: It really doesn't matter. Replicators are awesome.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #34: What is KEIKO doing here?
CAPTAIN: Oh, you would not believe how many Torture Devices she is equipped with. She's great at this.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #34: Torture?!
The mood is interrupted by FORMAL DRESS WESLEY CRUSHER who walks in and looks on.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #34: Who is that?!
CAPTAIN: Oh, him? A better variant of you, I'd say. And he never talks. Watch the movie, you'll see.
MIRROR KEIKO: Should I get started?
CAPTAIN: Yes, by all means, we are in a Skirmish with Khan and the Reliant, and we need Intel so that we can stop him in ship to ship battle and thwart his cunning attack on Deep Space Nine.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #34: How do we do that.
CAPTAIN: That is presicely why you are here. Tell us what you know, and this will be painless.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #34: But I don't know anything!
MIRROR KEIKO: He's telling the truth.
CAPTAIN: *scoffs* All the more reason we should feed him to the replicator and get Intel that way. We need to do it quickly, Holoemitters are worth their weight in super rare gold-pressed latinum.
FORMAL DRESS WESLEY CRUSHER starts clapping
CAPTAIN: See, he never talks.
MIRROR KEIKO: I could get him to ta-
CAPTAIN: Not NOW, KEIKO! We need that Intel, start the Replicator.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #34: But CAPTAIN...!
CAPTAIN: How many lights do you see?
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #34: Uh, four?
CAPTAIN: WRONG!
MIRROR KEIKO: There ARE four lights, you know.
CAPTAIN: I know, I actually thought that would go differently.
MIRROR KEIKO: *sighs* I don't know why I'm even here.
CAPTAIN: I'm still figuring that out too. Torture Devices as equipment? For a teacher?
MIRROR KEIKO: In my universe, we didn't have replicators like you do. We had to get Intel the old fashioned way.
CAPTAIN, MIRROR KEIKO and FORMAL DRESS WESLEY CRUSHER ignore the crying from ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #34 as he approaches the Replicatior
CAPTAIN: I've always said this prime universe was more humane.
-EDIT-
That was a treat to read BTW
In my mind, it's almost a whole other scene, that can sort of play in the background as the act fades out.
MIRROR KEIKO:"Geez, I expected we'd be able to get more intel out of somebody with the 'prodigy' trait."
CAPTAIN: Yes, Acting Ensign Wesley Crusher is full of disappointments. Fortunately, what he lacks in quality he makes up for in quantity."
MIRROR KEIKO: What exactly are you saying?"
CAPTAIN: Formal Dress Wesley Crusher, will you kindly escort our guest to Acting Ensign Storage Pit #17?
FORMAL DRESS WESLEY CRUSHER nods eagerly.
MIRROR KEIKO: Wait, you have 17 entire pits just for storing your extra Acting Ensign Wesley Crushers?!
CAPTAIN: Per deck, yes.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#142: Acting Ensign Crusher reporting for duty sir.
CAPTAIN: Ah, Acting Ensign; I need to you report to the nearest Replicator
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#142: Sir, I'm not being crewed to one of the the shuttles.
CAPTAIN: Oh, no no no. These shuttles are being dispatched for the Augments, in hopes of payment in Medical Experiments, and since we're Favored among Khan and his cronies, your abilities wont make any dent in the success rate of any of these missions. This is Gold Crew only.
The CAPTAIN points to EV SUIT ARCHER as he takes command of Shuttle 2
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#142: Now I'm confused, why am I here then?
CAPTAIN: I want to make sure this mission goes flawlessly. So I had Mr. La Forge rig up something with the Replicators.
CHIEF ENGINEER LA FORGE: I think we're all set here, CAPTAIN.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#142: Lieutenant Commander?
CHIEF ENGINEER LA FORGE: Shut up Wesley.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#142:
CAPTAIN: Very good, how much will it take to get a Legendary Reward Boost?
CHIEF ENGINEER LA FORGE: Based on energy usage, about one hundred AECs.
CAPTAIN: Wow, that's a lot. What about some Common ones?
CHIEF ENGINEER LA FORGE: Those would be 5 AECs a piece.
CAPTAIN: *sigh* We will have to get by with those.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#142: What is an "AEC"?
CHIEF ENGINEER LA FORGE: The basic unit of measure for Replicator Fuel.
CAPTAIN: I feel like I've explained this to him 142 times
CHIEF ENGINEER LA FORGE: It HAS been 142 times.
CAPTAIN: CAPTAIN to the Bridge, I need fourteen more ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHERs in the Shuttle Bay. Be quick about it. And while I'm thinking of it, use a security escort. I don't want them wandering around getting lost in a shiny jeffries tube because of a curious beeping noise again.
CHIEF ENGINEER LA FORGE: When did that happen?
CAPTAIN: Before you fell out of the Portal. We had about a dozen of these dweebs pretending they could fix a perfectly fine computer core after they got the same PSI2000 disease from FENCING SULU. We had to transport the whole lot into space before they could blow up the ship. I don't let any of them get near POLYWATER YAR for the same reason.
CHIEF ENGINEER LA FORGE: I heard she's not that dangerous anymore.
CAPTAIN: It just takes longer.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#142: My mom's a doctor!
CAPTAIN: Shut up Wesley.
CHIEF ENGINEER LA FORGE: I'll get started on making those boosts, CAPTAIN.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#142: So I'm going on a shuttle?
CAPTAIN: In a way, yes. And in typical fashion, you will make the shuttle mission 3 times longer than it has to be. Just like you normally do.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#142: YAY!
CAPTAIN: (To Self) I wonder if I can convince THE TRAVELER to take a few of these away to store on the other side of the Galaxy?
MIRROR WESLEY CRUSHER arrives reporting for duty
MIRROR WESLEY CRUSHER: I can't believe there is a version of me like that.
CAPTAIN: *confused look* Are you even released yet?
CAPTAIN: This is the Cryostatis Chamber, perhaps the most valuable place on the ship, and its inaccurate to say you have never been here before.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#171: Is that me??!!
CAPTAIN: *Proudly* Yes, you were one of the first I have immortalized here.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#171: Wow, it is nice to know I'm so highly valued that you immortalized me.
CAPTAIN: Ehhhh, I wouldn't say that. I really needed to free up crew space and your Engineering skill was quickly made obsolete by ENSIGN SESKA.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#171: WHAT? I'm a way better Engineer than that traitor SESKA!
CAPTAIN: Yes, but you are also human and male, which is just another name for useless in this game.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#171: But you are human and male...
CAPTAIN: SHUT UP, WESLEY!
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#171: So are you going to freeze me again.
CAPTAIN: You are not as dumb as everyone says you are, there IS a strategy to get Dilithium by freezing multiple copies, but that is not why you are here. No, because of our adventures with the Dominion and then our Adventures with the Mirror Universe, I spent a lot Merits reactivating Mirror Universe crew and freezing what I thought were unneeded Dominion crew. MIRROR SPOCK informs me that we are going to need all those Dominion crew again. I'm also going to need ODOs. And I JUST put STRANDED ODO in the Freezer.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#171: I'm no use. I'm not from the Mirror universe or the Dominion. I can't possibly help to fulfill those trait requirements. What do you expect-
CAPTAIN: Sorry, I stoped listenening after "I'm no use". You are right, you are a useless chracter, except for one important quality.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#171: What is that sir?
CAPTAIN: You are disposable.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#171: What is that supposed to mean.
CAPTAIN: RIght now, if I can get 5 Merits from recycling you, I'll be 5% closer to getting STRANDED ODO back in action.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#171: Is that all?
CAPTAIN: I'd rather re-purpose you for countermeasures, but Starfleet didn't like that idea.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#171: You are going to kill me?!
CAPTAIN: Pay attention kid, you are immortal *points to the cyrochamber*
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#171: But I'm out here!
CAPTAIN: Yes, and people hate me for that. Computer, Initiate program: Shut up Wesley.
COMPUTER: Initializing "Euthanization Procedure Alpha"
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#171 vanishes. A chime notifies that 5 Merits have been deposited in the account.
CAPTAIN: (to Frozen ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER [#0] in the freezer) Yeah, you're never going to be worth the 100 Merits.
This morning I was awake really early and my son (9 years old) came down stairs as I was dealing with a returning voyage, running Gauntlet, the usual "been away for a few hours" stuff. When I went to claim my voyage lootings he noticed I had found Acting Ensign Wesley Crusher (because of COURSE I found one, if anything I should be relieved I ONLY found one!) and asked, "Daddy, does this mean Wesley is going to join your crew?" (He watches TNG with me and knows who Wesley is).
ME: Umm...sorry NAME REDACTED, I am going to get rid of him for honor.
SON (noticeably sad): Daddy, that is mean, what happens to them?
ME: Nobody knows but most assume they get shoved out into open space.
SON (in shock): But that will kill them!
ME: Yeah, well, yeah. Don't worry though, I have Wesley safe and sound in my giant freezer over here, look (I pull up my cryostasis vault). See, he's in here, safe.
SON: But he's just frozen? Forever?!
ME: Yeah, well, yeah....
SON: That is mean!
You can argue all you want that my idea to feed unwanted crew into a replicator to make items is cruel/mean, I really cannot argue against that. But as you can see, it is no less cruel/mean than the two options already in the game.
We in this thread are not impressed by your faux outrage or hollow condemnations, if you want to impress us and not come across like a colossal hypocrite lobby for a more humane in-game solution to dealing with excess crew. Either that, or get out of the way of those us driving the Progress Train.
CAPTAIN: Ah, Wesley, its about time you showed up.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#342: I've never been on the Starbase.
CAPTAIN: Most of the crew hasn't, just Captains in the fleet enjoy the benefits of the Starbase.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#342: That doesn't seem very fair.
CAPTAIN: And you do not make sense to the script. But I digress.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#342: My mom's a doctor!
CAPTAIN: Shut Up Wesley. I don't know why I'm explaining this to you, but we are now in what I like to call the "Killing Floor".
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#342: *gasps*
CAPTAIN: There, there, don't let the name fool you. It's not really a "Floor" more of a "room".
CADET SYLVIA TILLY emerges from behind an emitter.
CADET SYLVIA TILLY: Everything is ready, CAPTAIN.
CAPTAIN: Good work Cadet, dismissed.
CAPTAIN: *As TILLY leaves* And people laughed when I called her "Killy".
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#342: What is going on?! Why does such a thing exist on a Starbase?!
CAPTAIN: Resources are thin, and while Starfleet engineered these Reclamator rooms to process excess components, I had CADET SYLVIA TILLY re-purpose them to process excess crew for Replicator Rations. This way, instead of throwing you out the airlock, like I normally enjoy, I can save your value, or lack thereof, for later.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#342: But I'm not useless, I'm going to Starfleet Academy, just like my father!
CAPTAIN: Kid, your dad isn't in this game.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER#342: But-!
The protest cut off by computer shutting the door and initiating reclamation.
CAPTAIN: *to self* Why ISN'T there a LIEUTENANT COMMANDER JACK CRUSHER in this game?
DARK AGES McCOY: CAPTAIN, I have to protest, are we living in the Dark Ages on this ship?
CAPTAIN: Is that your catch phrase, Doctor?
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #424: *walking by* CAPTAIN, Doctor...
DARK AGES McCOY: What kind of Vulcan operation are you running here?
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #425: *walking by* CAPTAIN... Doctor...
CAPTAIN: Doctor, I'm not sure what you are talking about.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #426: *walking by* CAPTAIN.... Doctor....
DARK AGES McCOY: This atrocity! You are not running starship, you are running a slaughterhouse!
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #427: *walking by* CAPTAIN... Doctor...
CAPTAIN: Oh, I see what you mean. *pointing to a passing ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #428* We had some repeat drops on some voyages recently.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #429: *Walking by* CAPTAIN... Doctor...
DARK AGES McCOY: What it is is paramount to murder! I KNOW what you are doing to these poor kids.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #430: *Walking by* CAPTAIN... Doctor...
CAPTAIN: Please keep it down, Doctor; these AECs don't know what's going on. Besides, have you seen how many CMO 'BONES' McCOYs we have come across.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #431: *walking by* CAPTAIN... Doctor...
DARK AGES McCOY: That sounds like a threat CAPTAIN! This isn't the Dark Ages! You can't just slaughter unneeded crew in your Replicators.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #432: *walking by* CAPTAIN... Doctor...
CAPTAIN: You REALLY are riding that catch phrase, aren't you?
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #433: *walking by* CAPTAIN... Doctor....
DARK AGES McCOY: Dammit, CAPTAIN, I'm a doctor, not a butcher!
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #434: My Mom's a Doctor!
BOTH: Shut up Wesley!
CAPTAIN: I don't know what to tell you, Doctor, its not like these are active patients on your rounds.
DARK AGES McCOY: But what you are doing in Barbaric!
GLADIATOR McCOY: Reporting for duty, CAPTAIN.
CAPTAIN: You were saying Doctor?
DARK AGES McCOY: DAMMIT! *storms off*
GLADIATOR McCOY: What's with him?
CAPTAIN: Freud hit the nail on the head about the mental states of the ID, EGO and SUPEREGO
GLADIATOR McCOY: Which one are you?
CAPTAIN: I forget, how many stars do you have?
GLADIATOR McCOY: Just one, why?
CMO 'BONES' McCOY: Reporting as ordered CAPTAIN; you said something about a replicator?
CAPTAIN: *To GLADIATOR McCOY* Don't you have a Replicator to run?
"I know you've been under- performing, Lt Paris, so you're gonna have to step outside the ship for a few minutes and think about how to do a better job "
Have you been naughty? Playing with yourself again? Has another fleet touched you in bad ways? Don’t worry, we will train you…. Gently. Light bondage only. Bring your own handcuffs, though…. We don’t supply them.
We’re not those other guys. Here we shower often, and we treat our members like family. We know how to whip some serious tail, yet no one is left to shiver out in the cold. If you need advice, help, strategy, tips or anything at all…. I and my officers are here to help you.
Currently, we're looking for more good people to enjoy the game with us, and we offer a TON to our members, in return. We prefer level 50 members and above. Lower level players than this will be considered on a case-by-case basis.
We use the DISCORD app for all our fleet chats (it's free). We're much better organized than many other top-tier fleets in the game, while a heck of a lot more relaxed and much more fun to be a part of. I have numerous other former fleet Admirals who joined me, and we have a world of knowledge and experience to share with you. Sure, we all love the game, and we enjoy playing it often; but we're also a fun family of kooky friends from around the world, who enjoy playing the game together. On top of playing, we also hang out often and share plenty of good laughs, an excellent supportive environment and one another's company.
It's OK if you don't play every day. You don’t have to be a daily player, but the more you play the more fun you’ll have with us. So long as you let me know ahead of time whenever you know you're going to be offline from the game for five days or more, I won't kick you for inactivity. You can send me that message on DISCORD at any time you need to; it takes only a moment. That rule helps keep our fleet as active as possible.
All Captains MUST have a name other than just “Captain” so that others may recognize you. We have no drama, but instead are a close-knit group of good people who treat each other as if we’re both friends & family.
WE’RE ALMOST ALL VERY HIGHLY ACTIVE, and help is never far whenever you might need it, at any stage of the game, nearly 24/7. Whatever your skill level, we can help you.
If you are interested in joining our fleet, please feel free to message me and I will be glad to assist you.
Free steak & Lobster available from our resident chef upon joining (alternate meal suggestions are possible), drinks available through our in-house bartender/barista/host. Please be sure to tip your wait staff. They're nuts, but they're worth it.
CAPTAIN 2: You called me ADMIRAL?
(Oh the possibilities!)
I think it could be pretty amazing, I mean seriously, how many AECs is one Captain worth?!
1 BM = 4 AEC or it requires four AEC to take one BM.
Hey, plagiarism...I already suggested that! Lol.
CAPTAIN: These are strange times, AEC.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #534: What did you call me?
CAPTAIN: ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER. Why?
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #534: I thought you said -
CAPTAIN: Shut up Wesley!
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #534:
DUELIST BARCLAY: I believe all the modifications you requested are in place, Sir.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #534: Broccoli?
BOTH: Shut UP Wesley!
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #534:
CAPTAIN: Very good, Lieutenant, you might make Commander someday. Give it about a week.
DUELIST BARCLAY: Thank you, Sir!
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #534: What is going on here?
CAPTAIN: As you know, we need holoemmitters, because of... reasons. But right now we're dealing with a MEGA problem with holodecks. And to battle this, we are in short supply of holoprograms.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #534: Oh, you need someone to create holoprograms? I've created a few, some have gotten me points with ENSIGN ROBIN LEFLER.
CAPTAIN: Kid, she's not in your league.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #534: But Lefler's Law number thirty-
CAPTAIN: Do you ever shut up?
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #534:
CAPTAIN: I hate exposition, but the point is, your "girlfriend from another universe" has rigged up a way to get more holoprograms without pointless programming. I don't need a romantic getaway to a supernova, I just need the actual programs. You know, 10 PRINT "Hello World", 20 GOTO 10 kind of thing.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #534: You want me to write BASIC code?
CAPTAIN: No, Mr. Crusher, I expect you to die.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #534: Captain?
CAPTAIN: No, really, I had DUELIST BARCLAY [and ENSIGN ROBIN LEFLER] rig this holodeck up to tie into our replicators to turn excess crew into generic holoprograms. It is quite genius, actually, I'm glad I thought of it.
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #534: So you are making me into entertainment for other people?
CAPTAIN: *looks to the camera and winks to break the fourth wall, then gets back to the scene* No, I need the holoprograms to build other holographic crew, cause they are important for the mission. And frankly, you are not [and never were]
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #534: What are those square brackets for.
CAPTAIN: That's editorial, you were not supposed to read those!
ACTING ENSIGN CRUSHER #534: *confused*
CAPTAIN: That's better. Computer, make me a new Holoprogram!
But as stated in the community guidelines we are required to be nice (edited to reflect what the community guidelines actually say) and thinking of ways for Wesley to die...not to nice, at the very least it should be moved to the holodeck.